April 13, 2003

  • Yeah, they got me too. Who knows, maybe I’ll say something you find interesting.


    I AM: not a saint, nor an angel, nor Jesus, nor a prophet. contrary to popular belief I am very much human, but thanks to those who think otherwise.


    I THINK: therefore, I am.


    I KNOW: what I want from life but for some reason I am denied it time after time.


    I WANT: completion.


    I HAVE: truly nothing but dust and air.


    I WISH: I could go back in time.


    I HATE: it when guys mistreat women. I fly into a rabid fury.


    I MISS: childhood. Life was simpler then because my mind was devoid of understanding. I knew only that I liked cartoons, macaroni and cheese, and that I liked to play outside. I knew I didn’t like vegetables and that mean people were mean because they were not happy. nothing else really mattered.


    I FEAR: I will never be loved in return.


    I HEAR: Russian voices singing on the soundtrack to “K-19: Widowmaker.”


    I SEARCH: for purpose.


    I WONDER: why me?


    I REGRET: telling two women that I loved them, and then giving a third a poem.


    I LOVE: beauty. Music, nature, women, dance, art, light, dark, life, laughter, babies. . . all beautiful.


    I CARE: more about others than myself and oftentimes my own cries go unheard by my own ears.


    I ALWAYS: think. Always.


    I AM NOT: perfect.


    I DANCE: slow, swing, and a touch of renaissance.


    I SING: bass II in choir, but nowadays I sing along with songs that I like.


    I CRY: when the pain is more than I can bear. Not physical pain mind you, oh no, when my heart is in agony. Pain merely reminds me that I am awake and alive. When my heart is in severe anguish then do I cry. Sometimes instead of crying I play a song on the piano.


    I DO NOT ALWAYS: do the rational thing, but always the right thing.


    I FIGHT: my inner demons constantly. I guess temptation would be a better word.


    I WRITE: what my heart tells me to.


    I WIN: the respect and trust of those who know me, but little else other than that. However, respect and trust are dearer to me than anything else I have.


    I LOSE: daily.


    I CONFUSE: those who know me, those who don’t, and myself at times.


    I LISTEN: to everything around me, especially the wind and any music that catches my ear.


    I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: in my room with nothing to do.


    I NEED: music to live.


    I AM HAPPY ABOUT: my health and knowing God loves me.


    I SHOULD: not have given Sabrey that poem.

Comments (13)

  • How open and honest that was. I liked it very much. It takes guts to say those things, to know yourself like that. -Kate

  • I think I filled this one out a while ago, but if it’s coming back around… it might be time to reanswer the questions… very open with yourself… myself, I am scared to get that intimate with myself.

  • There is one thing that stood out on this to me, Jakey.  You say you have truly nothing but dust and air…well, I think you also have the love and trust of many friends and family, both here in Iowa and in Wyoming that care about you quite a lot.  You have life, which is not always wonderful, but yet it always is.  As for wanting to go back in time, the past is gone and the future is yet to come.  Live in the moment and don’t spend your life wishing your life away–it goes too fast anyway…it already is.  Embrace life…take the consequences as they come, learn from them and move on…life doesn’t always give all the answers at one time.  Those were my deep philosophical thoughts for the day…now I am going to go do homework.  :)   I enjoyed reading your thoughts.

  • Depressing, Depressing, focus on the good. Block the bad. Focus good, block bad, see? it’s friggen simple, :)

    Jal Korr

    p.s. GET ONLINE MORE!

  • things will get better. just keep looking for the sun. seek it.

    anyway, i agree with you about childhood. there are perks to being an “adult” but i would trade it for the carefree days of childhood. what age would you go back to? i think i would want to be 8 all over again……

  • To Sparky84: I didn’t forget about love and respect. I don’t consider those things that I “have,” I consider those things that I have been given as great gifts not to own but to share in. The things I have I consider dust and air because they do not last. Clothes, appliances, money, things of that nature. Temporary things. Love is not temporary.

    To Milady: I would go back to the age of four or five, before schooling began. Everything was so wonderful when you didn’t have to think about things. Heh, I guess that is probably a reason why I have so many scars. . .

  • mmm…interesting. (:

  • Wow, interesting form of an online quiz.

  • Hey Jake!  I enjoy your blog.  How are ya?  Saw your fam at church tonight and thought of you.  How long has it been?  Hope things are going well, hope to talk to you some time!  Happy Easter, God Bless.

    Joeli

  • Update yer dang site!

  • EAT IT GIL-GALAD! You are the one who didn’t update for a whole month you ninny! I’ve been busy lately. Sorry if any of you feel the same way as my esteemed collegue here, I will update at the nearest convenience. As for YOU Gilly-Lad, you will have your cummupins. You just wait. .  . mwah ha ha ha ha!!!

  • “I MISS: childhood. Life was simpler then because my mind was devoid of understanding. I knew only that I liked cartoons, macaroni and cheese, and that I liked to play outside. I knew I didn’t like vegetables and that mean people were mean because they were not happy. nothing else really mattered.”

    I miss childhood too!

    “I CONFUSE: those who know me, those who don’t, and myself at times.”

    I feel the same way about myself. Great Blog I really enjoyed it…thanks for the comment!

  • tick tock tick tock….waiting for a post….:P

    Gil_galad

Post a Comment

Leave a Reply