February 19, 2003

• I took the note with trembling hands. That voice in my head started chuckling in an “oh this is gonna be GOOD” kind of way. The paper made crinkling noises as I opened it and my heart decided to stop beating until I was done reading. Here is the letter in its exactness. NO WORDS HAVE BEEN CHANGED.

  
  

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  04-26-01

  
  

  -The Perfect Love-

  
  

  Who dares claim that they alone have the perfect love? Is there such a thing so attainable from these hearts of flesh? There is only one who has rights to claim such a title. With words so beautiful and a heart to match you dansed (<- yes, she spelled it wrong.) into my life like a fresh spring breeze. You’ve showed me that one can possess such a longing that it could move mountains. Along with such power comes fear. A fear that is only present when the mind wonders to where it will. Whats in my heart is so minute compared to what yours is capable of feeling. Is all fair in love and war? If so then where does the mind go? If there is danger up ahead does not one avoid it? To protect the heart and soul within I dare not go nearer to the danger looming ahead blocking the path in front of us. You have my love even though I cannot give it. When the clock stops and time stands still, can I venture into the vast ocean in which I’m not ready step into. In time, I will step on the shore into something no human is worthy of having. Only then will I capture a glimpse of the perfect love.

  
  

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  Confused? So was I. Many of that stuff made absolutely no sense and seemed like a strenuous effort at trying to be poetic. But I got the basic meaning. She just wanted to be friends. It hurt, I’m only human, and my first word was, “Why?”

  
  

  So she gave me three reasons why we could never be together.

  
  

  One: She was going away to college in a few months. Yeah like that’d stop me from loving her.

  
  

  Two: She just wasn’t ready for a relationship right then. Fair enough.

  
  

  Three: (I LOVE this one.) Her last relationship ended horribley. She was going out with a guy named “Kyle” and then this new guy moved into town. “Kyle” and this new guy “Thomas” became best friends and they and Maggie went to the same church. Well eventually Maggie ended up dumping “Kyle” for “Thomas” and the two stopped being friends. Not long after that Maggie dumped Thomas because she felt bad for what she did and blamed herself. Remember that name Thomas.

  
  

  So yeah the rest of our get together was pretty quiet. I was fighting tears, she just didn’t have anything to say. So after like an hour of sitting there I got up and she followed me. I knew where the trail out of the forest was so I lead the way through the thick undergrowth of tough reeds and thorns. I hacked a path through it all with my katana, my anger driving the blade into the plants and also numbing the pain of tiny thorns driving into my calves and hands. We then reached a fallen tree and I told her to stand back as I kicked that tree’s ass. I was hacking through dry branches two inches thick with a dull katana. I was in a desperate rage. Then once I had cleared out the small branches I hacked up the brush and realized the path was to small to get through.

  
  

  Now I got even more pissed at this damned tree.

  
  

  There were three branches about a foot thick and probably ten feet long. Nice wet ones too; those are really damned heavy let me tell you.

  
  

  They weren’t there for long. I lifted them up so they were standing and then let them fall off to the side. Then the way was clear.

  
  

  I was sweating, breathing, and bleeding by the time I got back to the van. We drove back to my house and decided to go down to my creek. I led her to one of my favorite spots in the tiny timber along the banks, a clearing where the setting sun shines in just right and all the little ferns seem to glow golden-green. We stood watching the sun go down as I used a piece of glass I found to dig thorns out of my hand. It hurt but it was a better feeling than the one in my heart at the moment.

  
  

  Once the sun was down we walked back to my house and she left without a word.

  
  

  Me, I went back down to the creek. I hacked a dead tree to hell and when I was too exhausted to lift my sword I just collapsed to the ground and cried out, “WHY?!” to the stars and listening to my echo die in the distance.

  • 9:03 pm
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