March 10, 2012
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Why Catholic?
@tgwiy asked some interesting questions in a recent post that I thought I would answer for the interest of all who are…well, interested. I am preparing to give a talk about how my grandparents influenced my call to the priesthood so I’ve been thinking a lot on the topic of why I’m Catholic anyways, so here goes. She proposed a sort of three-tiered approach to the whole thing, so I will follow the same.
“The first level is the atheist/theist level. You either believe in a higher power, or you don’t (or you don’t know obviously). It makes sense to me why people would believe in a higher power, no matter what religion it is.”
I remember when I was in middle school we listened to Aaron Copland’s “Appalachian Spring” in music class; I think I was in fifth grade. I didn’t really care for nor pay attention to music whatsoever at that point in my life. I wasn’t religious either; church was just a thing we did as a family on Sundays because that’s what Catholics do on Sundays. But when that part of “Appalachian Spring” started to play, the melody of the famous Shaker hymn called “Simple Gifts,” I felt something stir deep inside me. I didn’t understand why it made me feel the way it did, but something moved me in a way I’d never been moved before. Not long after that we began listening to Beethoven and when I heard the choral section of his ninth symphony for the first time I was completely undone. Something changed profoundly inside of me, and in the years since then as I tried to understand it, I began to realize that it was in music I first encountered beauty.
Never at any point in my life did I ever question the existence of God; theism was always taken for granted and for the most part unconscious. But as I became more and more acquainted with beauty I began to ask myself, “Where does beauty come from? Why is anything beautiful to begin with?” As this whole reality began to unfold for me all manner of things began to change. I stopped caring about popularity and focused on being true to myself and who I was. Band and making music was something I began taking seriously, and I enjoyed my art and choir classes a great deal more, as well as my English classes; my writing really began to take off. Soon I’d even start dabbling in poetry, a gift I still enjoy from time to time, as you all know from my yearly St. Valentine’s Day poem.
I began to notice beauty in two unexpected places: in nature and in women (or girls, as they were at that age!) though the latter came a few years later. I began exploring the wilderness around my house, especially around the beautiful creek to the east and the timber that grew along its banks. Walking in the early evening as the golden sun cast everything in its perfect color was my favorite thing to do.
When I was in seventh grade a girl named Mandy moved to town. Before I saw her I thought girls were icky and nothing but trouble, yet one look at her dark eyes and auburn hair and I was convinced otherwise. Nothing ever came of that crush but a lot of interior drama and a song I wrote for her on the piano, however it was with her that I began to realize what this pursuit of and appreciation for beauty was teaching me: that first (when I only saw beauty in things) I had a yearning for something and later (when I saw beauty in a person) that I yearn for someone. Interestingly enough, though, it was before I met Mandy that, giving up on my dreams of being an astronaut, I realized my “dream job” was being a stay-at-home dad. Strange for a sixth-grader, no?
This pursuit of beauty led me on a journey that would only lead me deeper and deeper into the reality of myself, one that brought me to encounters with the source of beauty Himself. But you all know that story fairly well!
What I understand now, looking back at those early days, is that I was encountering a phenomenon far beyond what I could understand, something that did not have an earthly explanation. I remember thinking that beauty, especially beauty as experienced in non-human things, has no real applicability or relevance when it comes to human survival; in other words, it makes no sense to suggest that beauty is merely a natural instinct on a purely biochemical or physiological level (granted I was not using these terms or concepts in middle school for crying out loud!). It is easier to see how finding beauty in the opposite sex can have material explanations, but I remember (as I would fall in love later on of course) wondering, too, why this particular girl or that particular one was so beautiful to me even though there were so many very attractive girls in my high school, small as it was (graduating class of around 75). If finding the opposite sex attractive is all about mating and the like, why this phenomenon of finding one particular woman beautiful above all others?
As I became older and, hopefully, wiser I began to realize more and more that beauty was a gift, an intentional one at that, and not merely a fluke of nature. Beauty is a rational response; we understand that something is beautiful, even though our opinions on what exactly is beautiful differ according to our tastes and intellectual ability (what children find beautiful and what adults find beautiful can be vastly different, such as when girls were “icky” and then, magically, they were not!). Were beauty merely a random thing with no rationality behind it whatsoever, then I wouldn’t be able to comprehend it or understand it to be beautiful. Nor would it be possible, it seems to me, for there to be a vast consensus regarding things that are beautiful: newborn babies, certain men or certain women, certain pieces of music, sunsets or other natural phenomenon, etc., especially considering the diversity of factors influencing the perspectives and tastes of those in such consensus! Yet songs and poems about sunsets have been written in many cultures for centuries.
I began to see over the years that beauty wasn’t so much a something as it was the action of a someone, such a one that was trying to speak something to me through beauty. Eventually I would come to realize that someone was God, the one who makes anything that is beautiful beautiful in the first place.
So, a long story about why I am a theist! Or at least how I came to affirm my theism to begin with.
“The second level is what religion you “choose” once you identify as a theist. There’s so many you could be. Jewish, Christian, Muslim, Taoist, Buddhist, Shinto, Wiccan, Pagan, Mayan, Roman, Greek, Hindu, Sikh, Janist, and so on and so forth. It fascinates me when people say “I am _____ because of X reasons.”"
The easy answer is that I am Christian because when I was thirty-one days old I was baptized such and my parents raised me in such a way to foster the Christian faith.
(Baby Me on Day One and Baby Me on Day One of my new life in Christ)
That and I grew up in a town where there were no mosques and synagogues! Not because we didn’t like Jews and Muslims but because, frankly, in a small farming town of just over 3,000 people you just aren’t going to get a lot of religious diversity.
I suppose, though, that I’ve chosen to remain Christian chiefly by a special grace that helped me to choose it. Also, and I mean no disrespect, but Muhammed did not offer his life for me, nor did Buddha, nor did any other non-Christian religious figure. As for polytheism (Roman, Greek, etc.) it seems to me that if gods are like us save for they are immortal, powerful and perfect, well, its nonsense to me. If a god is perfect, meaning that it lacks nothing and is utterly complete in itself, then why need there be more than one? Even were I not Christian I think I would tend naturally toward monotheism; at least in that I could form a meaningful relationship with a god to whom I can be grateful for everything, as opposed to picking a favorite god or gods among whom I must divide my heart.
“And the third level is what “flavor” you are. For example, you’re Christian, but you’re Southern Baptist, or Pentecostal, or Catholic, or Mormon, Eastern Orthodox, Methodist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Anglican, and so on.”
Meet my great-great-great-grandparents Johannes and Elisabetha from Brilon, Westphalia, Germany (or, in those days, Prussia). They were the first of my paternal ancestors to immigrate to the United States and settled in Norway, Iowa in 1865. They were wed in Sts. Peter and Andrew Church in Brilon, which was the church Johannes was baptized in, which was the church his parents were married in and his father was baptized in, and so on back into the 1600s at least (I haven’t had a chance to look further). However what I do see is that my family has been Catholic for a very, very long time, since before the Reformation and since there wasn’t anything in Germany before that then they’ve probably been Catholic since St. Boniface and others first began to preach the Gospel to the Germanic tribes centuries after the fall of the Roman Empire. As I’ve become to realize this my Catholic heritage has become dear to me; to think that my simple family of farm-folk from Germany has remained true to the faith that was first preached to them over a thousand years ago–even in spite of the Protestant Reformation that swept through their homeland–well, why would I ever want to leave?
My grandparents Don and Leila, who passed the faith to my father, who influenced my mother’s conversion from being Southern Baptist; she saw the joy that my grandparents always carried with them and when she realized how inseparable it was from their Catholic faith, she realized that she wanted it for herself as well. And now, even in the midst of crippling debt, two jobs and being divorced, she is yet joyful and the Eucharist is her greatest treasure. Praise God! And God bless my grandma; she just turned 93 on March 5th and prays the rosary twice a day for the whole family.
(A photo of my grandmother that my grandfather carried in his wallet during World War II.)
In addition to inheriting such a treasure as the Christian faith as it was taught and handed down by my ancestors, I’ve come to cherish the Catholic faith for other reasons, too. I love it’s history; granted, there are some painful and ugly parts of it. But there is also so much beauty and goodness that a person could not even glimpse it all in a life time. I love the saints and their writings, the stories of their lives. I love the martyrs; to think that through the ages there have been hundreds of thousands of Christians who believed the same as I and were killed for it! I love the Mass and the way we incarnate our faith in the world. I love the sacraments and above all the Eucharist; this is my dearest treasure of all. What’s more is that the Eucharist is Christ, unchanged through the centuries: when I receive the Eucharist at Mass every day I am receiving the same Christ in the same way the FIRST of my ancestors did when they were received into the Body of Christ all those centuries ago; Christ is truly my alpha and omega. I love the Pope and the Papacy, that there is a living voice of authority to whom we can look for guidance when questions of faith and morals arise that are not so clearly spelled out in Scripture or are clear in tradition. I love the universality of the Church and its world-encompassing scope. I love the different rites–twenty-three ways of being Catholic!–that have arisen from the traditions laid down by the Apostles as they preached the Gospel to different peoples in different lands.
But most of all I love Jesus Christ. When I stop to consider that there was only one Church around after He founded it on St. Peter and that I, by the grace of God, was born into that same Church that traces its roots historically, traditionally, archaeologically, spiritually, scripturally and ritually all the way back to that founding moment I find myself, whenever asked by anyone if I ever thought of leaving the Catholic Church, saying the same words as that strong-headed, sometimes idiotic, but earnest St. Peter, “To whom shall I go? You have the words of everlasting life.” Jesus Christ founded the Church, He founded it once and as one, He desired it to remain one, He entrusted it to the Apostles, and today it is known as the Catholic Church. It wasn’t founded by some guy named “Cathol” (thanks, Eddie Izzard) because it isn’t named after who founded it, but rather named for what it is: a universal (katholikos) body of people called out of (ekklesia) the world to be His. It’s called the Catholic Church simply because that’s what it is; I don’t know that I would be comfortable belonging to the Church of Luther, Calvin, or anyone else but Christ.
“What did your spiritual journey look like?”
Beyond what I’ve shared here (I tried really hard to pull up some previously unpublished material!) I’ve given the full-length version beginning here at the post called “In the Beginning.” That begins a whole series regarding my faith journey as well as my vocation story. Many have enjoyed reading it, so I hope you all do as well.
I hope this post was interesting for you; feel free to ask more questions in the comments if you wish!
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Comments (23)
You and I could possibly be related depending where in Iowa they settled.
Though we have different views of the world. I enjoyed reading this.
Thank you for posting this!
What a great read.
Nice post. Enjoyed seeing the pics and hearing your story. Not enough to make me convert to Catholicism though.
Nice post! While I’m more comfortable staying away from organized religion, I’m always happy to see someone who’s found genuine happiness in their faith.
@SolidStateTheory - They settled in Norway, Iowa and branched out to various towns in Benton County. So who knows?
@tgwiy - You are welcome! I hoped you’d like it!
@musterion99 - Well, that wasn’t the point! But who knows, perhaps it will help someone out there love Jesus a bit more than they did before they read it; that is always my hope.
@the_rocking_of_socks - Thank you! I think there are so many people unhappy in their faith because they try so hard to attain that happiness when, really, it is something that is given. I suppose what I’ve learned is that its not about “getting it” but rather preparing within yourself a space to receive it, if that makes any sense.
@Ancient_Scribe - Benton probably would not be related. But definitely a possible you may have encountered my relatives as they live in CR.
@SolidStateTheory - Well I was born in CR and I have cousins there, so there is a great possibility. Small world!
@Ancient_Scribe - I know that wasn’t the point. I was just teasing you.
It was cool to read this & realize that you’ve got some really deep roots. Very nice story.
Thanks for sharing. Part of my family came from Westphalia, too. When doing family tree searches in Europe, I find myself increasingly drawn to the Catholic history of the area. There is a strong bond between the Church and the people, and I’m happy that it was passed on to me; I, in turn am passing on to my kids — there is beauty in this.
I want you to know that I’ll be back to read this more thoroughly, even though I read a good chunk of it and enjoyed it.
Loved this. I will have to go back and read your original story at some point.
I admire your commitment and strength of faith.
I always understood that the greek orthodox church was probably closest to the early christian church.
You put much emphasis on your being born into a Christian family and being bought up as a Christian. It does beg the question though, – if you had been born into islam or, say buddhism, would you still have become a caltholic christian, or would you now be a muslim or buddhist etc., equally devout and convinced that your’s is the right way?
A second question I have too… If catholic means ‘universal’, why does the roman catholic faith have no place for women within its clergy? God gave you the senses to be smitten by beauty, both in music (the ninth is my all time favourite too and the choral often moves me to tears), nature, and as you put it, in girls/women. Surely, pure love between a man and a woman is a celebration of this gift from God, yet the roman catholic church excludes women from the clergy and expects its priests to be celibate. This seems unnatural to me.
I guess this is the fundamental question I have about the roman catholic faith, though there are others. Just for the record, I am a lapsed christian – CoE, or anglican as your fellows would understand. And please don’t misunderstand my questions as being critical. The first is just an observation and second, well, I’ve never been enlightened, never understood.
We were married – 30 years ago this year – by a young curate in the high anglican church. Ours was his first wedding and we were honoured and priviledged. Shortly after, he moved across into the roman catholic faith – prompted by the acceptance within the anglican church of the ordination of women. Of course, he had to do what he felt was right but I felt myself feeling sorry for him. We spoke of his reasons and while I respected his decision I couldn’t and still don’t understand.
Got to go – have to be somewhere else soon. Thanks for your post.
Lovely story. You’ve had a lot of blessings in your life. Particularly enjoyed the pictures of baby you!
germany huh? I traced my Matherne (Matern) line all the way back to a town in Germany that is now in France. Rosenhiem, I believe is what it is called. The spelling has changed over the centuries. Johann Matern came here with John Law.
Awe, that baby photo of you is just precious.
I love your story and the photos of you and your ancestors. Your grandmother is gorgeous!
But I gotta admit that what rojobe said in his comment is interesting as well… I wonder what your answer would be.
Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine in Milwaukee, Jacob!
Thank you for sharing your faith story and its roots in your wonderful family history. Oh, if we could all share these stories with each other, we could share great understanding!
@Martha@revelife - Amen!
@rojobe - Please forgive the delay! It totally slipped my mind to come back and answer your excellent questions/statements!
1) “I always understood that the greek orthodox church was probably closest to the early christian church.”
The Catholic and Orthodox Churches share the first thousand years of their history, and sadly split around the year 1000. But in spite of the break in communion both have maintained the faith and sacred tradition entrusted to them by the Apostles. You might be surprised to find that within the Catholic Church there are 23 rites, many of which are churches of Eastern origin that are identical to many Orthodox churches in their tradition and worship–such as the Byzantine Catholics which are nearly identical to Greek Orthodox–but have remained or have since rejoined in communion with Rome and the universal Church.
2) “…if you had been born into islam or, say buddhism, would you still have become a caltholic christian, or would you now be a muslim or buddhist etc., equally devout and convinced that your’s is the right way?”
A good question! The fact that I was born into a Christian family is a pure grace from God. But in thinking about your question I would like to think that were I born elsewhere I would hope to still possess a yearning for the truth of God, and I honestly do not believe, knowing my heart as I do, that Islam, Buddhism, Mormonism, Hinduism, Judaism, or even another Christian denomination would satisfy my heart fully. I could only hope that I would pursue God and strive to know Him in truth and search Him out until He led me to His Church by whatever means He chose out of love for me. I do not believe I could trust the testimony of one man (Islam and Mormonism) since I have a natural tendency to place all my eternal hope on the world of one book written by one person (the Bible is many books written by many people over many centuries, yet they all present a unified message). Buddhism seems to me to be too empty, and I don’t think my heart would be satisfied with reincarnation; only resurrection honors the *person* I am. If I am not a human being–since I could come back as a bug, a tree, a germ, etc.–than what am I? The question would drive me crazy. Hinduism would confuse me; is it polytheist or monotheist? Which god should I be devoted to? If gods are perfect, superior beings, then why are there multiple gods; if a god is perfect, why must there be more than one? Do the gods love me? Judaism would leave me unsatisfied as well I think; I do not believe I could wait another day for the Messiah, and I do think I would naturally be drawn to the Christ.
3) “A second question I have too… If catholic means ‘universal’, why does the roman catholic faith have no place for women within its clergy? God gave you the senses to be smitten by beauty, both in music (the ninth is my all time favourite too and the choral often moves me to tears), nature, and as you put it, in girls/women. Surely, pure love between a man and a woman is a celebration of this gift from God, yet the roman catholic church excludes women from the clergy and expects its priests to be celibate. This seems unnatural to me.”
The short answer is that the Church does not have the authority to ordain women to the priesthood. Notice that the Orthodox Church does not ordain women, either. This is because Christians have traditionally believed and been taught–even by the Apostles–that Jesus established His priesthood at the Last Supper when He commanded the Twelve “Do this in memory of me.” This He commanded only to men; granted, He did not say that women could not be a part of the priesthood, but He did not permit it either. This is not to say that Our Lord had anything whatsoever against women! But the Church takes very seriously all that the Lord has entrusted to her and does not presume she has authority in matters unless such authority has been explicitly given to her. Changing a Sacrament is not one of them!
You might be surprised to know, too, that just as in the Orthodox Churches, many of the rites within the Catholic Church permit married clergy; it all depends on the tradition of that rite. Even within the Latin Rite–the largest, most visible and common rite in the Church–where celibacy is the general rule and tradition of the Church there are married priests. Most of them have converted to Catholicism from Episcopalianism or Anglicanism and, being priests in those denominations, their priesthood has been recognized by the Church as valid. Also some diocesan priests have been given special permission by their bishops to marry, though this is very rare.
As for the “unnatural” aspect of celibacy you are right; it isn’t natural, but when lived in its true spirit it is super-natural. The tradition of celibacy arose first out of a desire to more closely imitate and follow Christ, living as He lived, renouncing “marriage for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:12) and denying themselves, taking up their Cross, and following Him for the sake of eternal life (Matthew 16:24-26). When a man gives up a household, wife, children and all else for the sake of Christ’s name (Matthew 19:29), he dedicates the same love and passion and fervor he would have had for them to the Church and to the people of God. The Church becomes his house and his wife (in a spiritual sense, mind you), and the people his children (again in a spiritual sense). That is why you see throughout history so many men who have laid down their lives to awful torture and death for the sake of the Church and her people; that is what a man does for his wife and kids, if need be. And yes, God made me appreciate the beauty of women, but He is transforming my heart from that of a suitor to that of a father; does not a father find his daughter to be so beautiful, though in a different way than a young man finds his sweetheart, or a husband his bride?
And when a woman chooses such a life, she becomes a Bride of Christ, and though this is a mystery I know much less about (not being a woman myself!) I can tell you that it is very, very real and one of the most beautiful realities I’ve ever witnessed. When you see a beautiful young woman who has given her entire life to Jesus Christ and you see the joy in her face, you almost want to weep; it’s such a sight!
Yes, pure love between a man and a woman is a celebration of God’s gifts regarding each! But there are more ways to celebrate such gifts than only matrimony, and these other ways of life by no means demean matrimony in the slightest. If anything they uphold and magnify the beauty of matrimony by acknowledging that not every single person is called to an earthly marriage; some are invited by Christ to freely give up that way of life for another, one that anticipates here in this life the reality of the life to come. This is at the service of those who are wed here on earth; where would married people be without priests and sisters, ministering to them and reminding them of the life to come? And where would priests and sisters be without married people, providing for their earthly needs, befriending them, raising children in the faith and reminding them of the work that must be done on this earth, likewise reminding them of the beauty and goodness that is yet to be found here? The celibate and marital vocations depend upon each other in a beautiful, harmonious way; they aren’t mean to be averse to one another at all.
4) “And please don’t misunderstand my questions as being critical. The first is just an observation and second, well, I’ve never been enlightened, never understood.”
No worries there; I love questions like this. Not only does it give me a chance to gab about some of my greatest loves, but it also gives me a chance to reflect on what I believe and how I can best share those beliefs with others out of love. I hope that my thoughts have helped you understand a little!
5) “Shortly after, he moved across into the roman catholic faith – prompted by the acceptance within the anglican church of the ordination of women. Of course, he had to do what he felt was right but I felt myself feeling sorry for him. We spoke of his reasons and while I respected his decision I couldn’t and still don’t understand.”
I can’t imagine what a difficult choice that was for him! But yes, we must follow the demands of our conscience. I imagine that he felt betrayed by his church for assuming it had authority in matters that it truly didn’t; as I tried to speak of before, the Sacrament of Holy Orders, as it was entrusted by Christ to the Apostles and then by the Apostles to their successors, was intended only for men. Who is anyone to change that? Your priest is one of many who have felt so hurt by the Anglican and Episcopal churches on this matter and others, and I honestly believe that most of them enter into communion with the Catholic Church not because they do not like women or anyone else, but moreso because they want to remain faithful to the Church that Christ established, as He established it. I think the greatest sign of this is that the latest rite of the Church–#23–is the Anglican-Use Rite. So many Anglicans, even whole parishes, have petitioned the Catholic Church for communion that the Church has established a way in which such people may enter into full communion with the Universal Church and yet retain their Anglican traditions of worship and everything else. Basically they remain Anglican but recognize the Pope as the head of the Church; and so the division begun in the time of Henry VIII is slowly being healed.
Sorry again for the delay in my reply; God bless you and thank you for your questions!
@addyorable -
Since you were interested I thought I’d tag you in; enjoy!
I love that you took the time and effort to do this. We all know how busy you must be – especially now that Lent is here. I have to ask; your family is such an important motivator in your life and you obviously love them so much, why did you not choose to be part of a type of Catholicism that would allow you to marry and have your own family? In everything you do, caring and concern for others shows through and I can’t help but think you’d be an amazing husband and father. As I understand it (and I admit, my memory may be a bit faulty), you could do both if you wanted.
My apologies of this is just too personal. Feel free to tell me to shut up.
)
@ZombieMom_Speaks - No worries, ZombieMom; I’d rather you pick my brains then eat them!
And off the top of my head I can’t think of anything related to myself that would be too personal; I’m not really a man for secrets though I will certainly keep them for others, of course (I’d be a lousy confessor one day if I couldn’t!).
I’m so glad you enjoyed the post; it was a pleasure to do it. I do get busy and I admit I’ve been tempted at times to give up Xanga because of it, but I’ve always found Xanga to be a worthwhile endeavor because, once in a while, I’ll post something or comment somewhere and it will be meaningful for someone(s), so I try and make time when I can.
So, to your questions!
The very short answer to your question about why I didn’t choose another type of Catholicism so that I could be married as well as a priest would be that I was born and raised in the Latin Rite of the Roman Catholic Church, so it was all I knew. But even as I have come to learn of the other 22 rites of the Church, many of which have a tradition of married clergy, and even as I’ve heard of groups that have broken away from the Catholic Church in order to allow things like married clergy, I haven’t been swayed.
I had, since the sixth grade, wanted to be a husband and a father, and shortly before feeling God calling me to the priesthood I believe I met the woman I would have married. So for nearly a year I had before me these two paths, and it was so challenging yet so beautiful all at the same time. In the end, however, the choice that would fulfill most completely the longing in my heart to pour my whole life out in love and to be loved in return was made plain before me, and after some time I felt I had the freedom to say yes to it. My life since then has been the most joyful, beautiful, challenging and transforming time of my life so far. I remember, though, being told early on by my vocation director that the Order wouldn’t even consider accepting a man if they didn’t think he’d be a good father and husband, because that is the kind of priest the Church needs and the people of God deserve.
Really, sister, the reason I’ve chosen this way of life is because God has showed me how HE plans to fulfill the deepest desire of my heart, far beyond how I imagined it would be fulfilled, by offering me all His people as my children, and by offering the beautiful, eternal Bride of Christ–the Church–as the spouse to whom I devote my entire life. I chose this way of life, sister, because I love you that much and because I hope to love everyone that much. The love I would have shown and given to my wife and children I hope to offer to everyone as best I can because God has shown me such a love that I cannot even comprehend it all, and this is everything I can do to express my love and gratitude in return.
I hope that answers your question; thank you for asking it!
@Ancient_Scribe - Jacob, thanks for tagging me! Sorry for the extremely late response, though… I’m hardly ever on Xanga anymore, so I miss stuff. But I am glad I checked my email inbox and saw this email