April 1, 2011

• Our Father, who art with me…

  

  PART II

  In the last entry I shared a bit what was weighing on my heart as I looked to making that little retreat. I felt very much orphaned, as though my father was little by little abandoning me. Now no one just dives head-first into a silent retreat; you ease into it. Would you do a cannonball into a hot tub? Of course not! You slowly go in so that once your body has adjusted to the extreme difference, you can actually enjoy it. Silence is the same way.

  I arrived at the retreat area on Friday morning. It was a series of little, prefabricated buildings on a ridge, tall trees rising up everywhere. The sisters and brothers used a bell to communicate with everyone else, with a certain combination of rings and pauses signalling a specific person or noting a certain time for prayer. Once I met up with the sister in charge of getting retreatants settled in I parked my car and followed her to the little cabin I showed in the previous entry. Here is the interior: 

  My bed……………………………………………………………………….my desk (and breviary and water bottle!)…………………………closet and bathroom.

  So this was my little home for the next couple of days. Perfect! I spent Friday just reading, writing letters, praying and eating at meal times. Meals were prepared in advance and you would come to the kitchen and grab the styrofoam cooler with your cabin’s number on it and take it back to your hermitage. The food as well was simple but hey, it keeps you going! Friday was simple, restful and quiet. By the time I awoke early Saturday morning for Mass, I was used to the quiet. No laptop, no phones, no music, nothing. Just the sound of wind in the trees and birds.

  This is the chapel:

  

  Outside………………………………………………………………………inside………………………………………………………..what a blessing to have JESUS RIGHT HERE!!!

   

  

  One of my favorite things about this simple chapel is that the tops of the chairbacks have the lacquer and paint all worn off from years and years of people kneeling to pray and resting their arms on them. I don’t know if you can see that well in this picture or any of the others, but I’ll never forget that touching detail.

  After Mass I began my day of prayer. I had previously arranged for four, one hour periods of prayer during which time I would contemplate four aspects of Christ’s life. Since I was seeking the grace of knowing just how I ought to love and relate to my father now, “I” decided (thank you, Holy Spirit!) to first contemplate part of the Last Supper Discourse from John where Christ talks about His Father. Then after a time to rest (I napped off-and-on all day; I was so exhausted) I spent an hour contemplating the Finding of Jesus in the Temple, where even there looking St. Joseph in the face Jesus identifies who His Father really is. During the afternoon I went on a glorious hike:

  

  Down the steps (though this is a view looking UP the steps!)….through the trees………………………..a charming brook…………

   

  

  …..the waterbugs are out!………………………………………….continuing on the path………………………….Our Lady of the Spring………….

  

  ………..the deep forest…………………………………………..a very fall-like day…………………………………..a lonely leaf……………….

   

  

  ……….a reminder that my Mother prays for me…………………a sign of spring!

   

  When I returned to my cabin I re-centered myself and contemplated Christ’s Baptism and after dinner I spent my final prayer hour contemplating His resurrection, when He tells Mary Magdalene that He is ascending to His Father and her Father…

  During the contemplation of Finding Christ in the Temple, I realized that Jesus, too, lost St. Joseph at a young age. How young we’ll never know, but it happened. I began to understand that since I am called to live the life of Christ, I will share in all of His joys, yes, but in all of His suffering as well. I was so consoled by this reminder because not only did I realize that Christ understood what I was going through, but He was with me through, with and in it. I also realized that it was not so much my father that was separating himself from me, but rather that my Father in Heaven was drawing me closer to Himself, which means that there will be people in my life that I will experience a growing distance from. While it is still a painful reality to let go of my father, to know that this is all God’s action comforts me tremendously. These were two of the graces I received on this retreat that I feel could be helpful to just about everyone (at least, I hope so!). Remember that you, too, are living the life of Christ and will at times share in His suffering; never forget that He is right there alongside you! Also remember that as you grow closer to God you may find a distance growing between you and some of the people in your life, even people that mean a great deal to you. Do not be afraid! 

  These realizations fed directly into the following contemplations, reminding me that God has chosen me as His son at my baptism and that He loves me (me?!?!?) and likewise if I share in Christ’s suffering and I am yet faithful, I will also share in His rising (I cannot wait!). 

  One would think these graces were enough to tide me over for quite some time. But, as we often discover, God never doles out His grace in amounts considered “good enough;” He is always over doing things. That night I dedicated the last hours of my day to what is called a “triple colloquy.” You enter into it first seeking a particular favor of God. Then you imagine the place where you will first approach Our Lady and talk the matter over with her. Then when you have, with her loving help, sorted things out the both of you go to Christ and converse with each other regarding the same matter. It is, believe me, such a grace to have His mother there with you; especially since you are basically telling Jesus “I have no wine” and His mother can give Him the eye and say, “Remember Cana? Help this one, too!” Finally, when you have had a fine conversation with Christ, the three of you go and talk to the Father. It is a prayer form that was gifted to the Church through St. Ignatius of Loyola and is used frequently throughout the Spiritual Exercises. I remember them being so fruitful when I made that retreat so I decided this time, on my very little retreat, to give it another try.

  This is where God particularly outdid Himself.

   

  NOTE: So apparently the pictures are crooked/don’t match with the words like they did when I was writing the post. But you are smart!

  • 12:47 am
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