May 20, 2006

• Sorry for the lapse in updates, but I’ve been away from home for the past several days, roaming the woods and cleaning catfish at BACKBONE STATE PARK with my brother Mike and my best friend Billy. Needless to say, it was awesome. Great weather, no bugs, nice cozy cabin, plenty of food, fire, fishing, trees, animals, fire, and fishing. Yes, some items were repeated.

  
  

  I’ve also been missing certain people an incredible amount. Sometimes thinking about them makes me cry, a little, which I am totally comfortable admitting to. They are people I love dearly, and a few I may never see again. Sure, I have already been getting rid of things in preparation for my move to the Jesuit Novitiate, but relationships with people are not things you can just “sever,” they just aren’t nearly as close as you once enjoyed.

  
  

  Two of my closest friends here at home are virtually ghosts in my life, one no longer living in town and one barely in town long enough to qualify living in town any more. I don’t hold any resentment toward them for any of that but man, I sure miss hanging out with them. But people grow up, so I guess I should too. Later.

  
  

  Then there are the people at UNI. I didn’t realize until very recently that there were only two men my age that I got to know personally, and maybe a couple more I would consider friends. I miss them some, but it is the women in my life up there that I miss most.

  
  

  They know who they are, or at least I hope they do. It was such a joy, an honor, and a blessing to fill my day with their beauty. But here I have nothing remotely close to that, save for what nature brings. But she cannot give me a hug on a long day, or speak to me in a sweet voice with an even sweeter smile, or inspire me to do amazing things. Nature is lovely, yes, but she doesn’t love back. You give and give to her and she’ll take and take, giving when it suits her. She’s wonderfully unbaised and neutral, and it isn’t that I long for a biased woman in my life. At this stage in my life, I don’t long for a woman in that way at all. I just miss all my women friends, again some more than others. It is so wonderful to have an excuse to be a gentleman. Here at home it is completely unnecessary. Sometimes living here is almost more barbaric than living in an animal skin yurt sucking the marrow out of the bones of your latest kill haha.

  
  

  But to hold a door open for a lady, or greet one, or comfort one brings me a great sense of joy that, sadly, I have to do without for most of every summer and probably for most of the novitiate too. If someone asked me what the hardest thing for me to give up is, I would recite the following list of names (in no particular order):

  
  

  Emmy, Kate, Katie, Kendra, Laura, Joy, Dr. Lamartine, M.A., Liz, Jolene, Cindy, Jessica, Erin, Lindsay, and Rose.

  
  

  This is by no means a complete list, but it is the most complete I could come up with at the time. There is hardly a moment that goes by that I am not remind of or find myself thinking of one of these wonderful people. I miss them so much, and I hope that someday soon I can get past the pain of saying farewell for now.

  
  

  Sorry that this entry became so depressing. But, hey, you try giving your life away and see how cheerful some of your entries become! Not that this isn’t a joyful venture, in fact it is QUITE exciting. But there is a lot of sacrifice involved, and sacrifice is never an easy, painless thing. That’s why it is a sacrifice and not just “doing without.”

  
  

  I should also warn everyone, as is my summer tradition, that updates may be somewhat infrequest as internet quality out here is pretty crappy. If anything big comes up, or if I have time, I’ll update. Please feel free to ask me questions about this whole Jesuit thing too; I’m sure there are curious people out there. Please also keep me in your thoughts and prayers this summer!

  • 11:12 pm
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