August 30, 2005


  • PAGE 3 OF THE MYSTERY GIRL LETTER


     


    Cyrano was a man with an abnormally long nose and was considered a very unattractive man. However, he was pure of heart and though he knew he could never win his love’s heart with his looks, he won her with his words and his soul. I know I am not the most attractive man in the world, but I swear to you that my heart knows only your name among all women, and that my eyes see more beauty in you than all the beauty in the world. I wish I were a mirror so you could see yourself as I see you, how truly beautiful you are to me. I wish I could describe the soul I see when I look at you, I wish you could feel the joy that makes my heart leap when you are near! When I think about you there are times when I weep for no apparent reason. Many nights while praying for you I cry, so strongly do I love you. My heart is near bursting with love, I feel it quivering like a dam near its breaking point, waiting for you to say but one word to release the flood of affection that has gathered there these past months.


    You are the greatest inspiration I have ever had in all my life. Writing poetry and prose for a woman I have feelings for is nothing new, I have done it before. But, NEVER before have I been able to continuously pour myself through a pen and bleed onto paper so often for so long for one sole person. The inspiration you give me is never ceasing, never waning, never fading. Every moment I spend with you, every sensation I experience with you, every mention of your name is as precious as the first, and treasured as dearly as if it were the last. Again Cyrano says:


    “All those, all those, all those [words] which come to me, I am going to throw you in a bunch, without arranging them in a bouquet: I love you, I am stifling, I love thee, I am mad, I can say no more, it is too much; your name is like a bell in my heart, and as I tremble all the time, the bell is continually moving and the name ringing out! I remember everything about you, for I have loved everything! I know that one day last year, the twelfth of May, when you went out in the morning, your hair was dressed in a different fashion! Your hair had been to me a shining light that just as after looking too long at the sun one sees crimson circles everywhere, so when I turned from your overwhelming blaze, my dazzled eyes see only golden clouds!”


    I know you feel bad about not being able to spend very much time with me or about not having time to read my poetry. I forgive you completely. EVERY moment I am with you is precious to me, no matter how distant or fleeting.



    “Why, yes; it is heavenly. We can hardly make each other out. You see the blackness of a long trailing cloak. I distinguish the whiteness of a summer gown: I am only a shadow, and you only a gleam of light! You have no idea what these moments mean to me!”


    Mystery Girl you are the most amazing person I have ever met. You carry a tremendous burden and you do so with the strength of titans and the grace of angels. Every night I pray that God will continue to bless you with strength, with endurance, and grace to continue to be amazing and wonderful and I also pray that, if He wishes, these things are taken from me in any amount so that His grace might be a gift from the both of us. I would be all too happy to carry as much of your burdens as you would allow, and if the burden crushed me I would gladly be buried in the earth in hopes of feeding a beautiful flower for you to enjoy.


    Of all the things I want in life right now, I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I have tried as best I can to provide happiness for you without crossing any lines you may or may not have drawn. My greatest fear is causing you pain, even the slightest pain. Mystery Girl, I love you as much as a man can possibly love a woman, and you are the final woman I ever want to fall in love with. I have fallen so hard, and I never want to get up again. There is no other woman among all the women of the earth that I want to give my life to, and I know that I could wander the universe for many lifetimes and never come across a woman as truly incredible as you.


     


    PAGE 4, the final page, will be posted, again, after a few comments appear. Then after that, maybe the whole situation will be resolved. We are planning on meeting Thursday to hang out, and I plan on bringing things up then. Thank you all for everything. Keep reading!

Comments (3)

  • First, let me wipe my tears!  That is SUCH beautiful writing.  It makes me wonder if my soon-to-be husband feels the same way about me.  I really really hope that she has taken this summer away from you (from what it sounds like, you haven’t talked in a while) and realized how much she needs you in her life.  She’s a damn FOOL if she lets you go.  Can’t wait to read that last page, and hopefully things go well Thursday night.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers until then.

    G’night.

    Lindsay

  • First off, this is exceptionally well written and like I said offers insight to those who didn’t know too much of the issue. I feel that in ways, we’re in the same boat on this one. My feelings for Tina have crossed several of the levels you stated, including a longing to be around her, and a hope that even if I’m not in her life, God will look out for her. I hope your situation resolves well, and I’ll talk at ya later. Have a great week!

  • Aww…Jake.  Thanks for the comment.  It was very sweet of you.  Mike can be stubborn, I just fear that he’s not always greatful for what we have together.  Someitmes things can go into autopilot because you’ve been doing them for so long.  That’s how it feels sometimes.  If I die and don’t get the chance to say last words to him, or him to me…it would tear me apart.  Obviously I don’t think I’m going to die of natural causes at this point, but accidents happen.  I just want to live each day with him as if it were our last together…keeping no secrets, holding no emotions in.  I just want to feel appreciated and know that he feels like he’s lucky to have me in his life. 

    Well…I need to go study for a test.  Once again, thanks for the comment!  You’re still in my thoughts and prayers.

    Haley

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