Can you imagine what He could have done with two?
As I enjoy the last few hours remaining to the first day of my 25th year (you don’t have to get me anything; as you will hopefully read, I’ve been taken care of!), I thought I would try and articulate something that I often blog about, but not enough can be said about.
The sheer amount of entries pertaining to women on my blog might call into question the seriousness that I give to my vow of chastity. But I hope that those kinds of people will carefully read my vocation story and all of my previous blogs (since April at least) and realize that primarily because I love Jesus did I take this vow, and secondarily because I love women.
And many might think, “Well, if you really did like women, why wouldn’t you marry one? Why swear yourself apart from them forever?” True, it doesn’t initially make sense, but I assure you I have never been more close to the women in my life and have never become so rapidly acquainted with so many more since entering the Society of Jesus. True, it is a new kind of “intimacy,” one that this culture is barely able to recognize as valuable, and though chastity brings about its challenges, the graces that abound there are not easy to articulate. So I won’t try right now.
What I want to try to do with this entry in particular is, on the occasion of my birthday, I wanted to offer a gift to all the women on Xanga. I know that this will never be featured on the front page, but I do know that a vast majority of my subscribers are women, and I truly think it is a man’s duty, in gratitude to God, to constantly remind women of their beauty, which is a direct reflection of God’s own. So, happy birthday to all of you Daughters of Eve, and thank God for each and every one of you.
Adam was created, and when God realized his loneliness, he created a vast array of creatures to keep him company. But none of them were quite what he needed. Then God pulled out all the stops.
What I find interesting (amidst the myriad) is that God did not create Eve from the earth like he did Adam; he pulled her from Adam, removing a part of man and fashioning it into woman. This idea, I think is so crucial, and I think it is why the longing between man and woman is so powerful- it is literally a part of us, because we are a part of each other. As a man, there is part of me missing, and it is in woman. I imagine women feel that same tug, for they long to be reunited to the place of their origin, and ultimately the two come together to join with God. As to my own existence in this great longing, please refer to my previous blog to read my attempt at explaining the Woman in my life.
But I share this thought to present how I believe this awareness of woman started in my life, and from this awareness has sprung a deep gratitude that is impossible to stop. I imagine that when Adam first beheld Eve, his first thought was, “My God!” Really! The only other thing remotely like her would have been God, who is far more beautiful that Eve, certainly, but here the beauty of God has come in a form that Adam could approach as a man, could love, care for, etc. What a gift!
My main point, right there- Woman is the greatest gift of creation that man has ever received. When the warmth from the dawning of time still lingered in the stones of the earth and Adam could feel it in his feet, there came a second dawning at the dusk of creation, and it was not until this blazing icon of God’s beauty had flared into the world that God rested. Can you really imagine what it was like to see Woman for the first time? I really cannot, I literally cannot imagine such an event, and as you have read I have a POWERFUL imagination. Even just Friday I was walking on campus and the beauty of a woman caused my heart to leap and my head to spin in awe, and I praised God, as I always do, saying to myself, “That you are more glorious, God, I cannot comprehend!” But he is, infinitely, and because God chooses to veil himself in mystery, he gives us Woman as a reminder of his glory, to remind not only Man but the entire universe of how beautiful God is.
Every woman, in my view, is like a mirror covered in condensation, such as the bathroom mirror after a hot shower. You look into this mirror and see your reflection, certainly, but it is not a full reflection, a complete revelation. So is Woman of God! Each woman is like a direct but incomplete revelation of God’s own beauty, and it is through love that a man comes to explore this mystery, which is utterly bottomless because it is God’s own. Only in Christ are we able to begin wiping away the condensation and witness glimpses of that greater beauty hiding just behind their flesh. What a gift… I really cannot get over how amazing a gift Woman is. The only desire of every human being is God, whether every human being knows it or not, accepts it or not. That is the one true desire, and all other desires serve to fulfill our primary one. Because God is so loving and wise he calls man through woman, and woman through man, and between man and woman he places his Son, that through Christ man and woman, together, may come to Him. Woman, to a man, is as vital as breath! Certainly to me, at any rate, for as you have read it was through Woman that I came to Christ, and it is through Christ that I know come to Woman, and only through Christ can I come to the Father.
You, Woman, are the Crown of Creation! God created everything beneath your feet, beginning with light to reveal his glory to the darkness, and so on until creation became more and more like him, living and moving and having power to change that below it, until he gave it all to Man to rule. But then he lastly created Eve and put her at the very top of his creation, and placed her at Man’s side, making them absolutely inseperable. What is Man without Woman? What is Woman without Man? One cannot exist without the other, much less know their own selves, and it seems to me that because Eve was taken from Adam he was never without her even when he was seemingly alone. Yet God realized that Woman and her great beauty must be revealed to Adam in a way he could know and love. And you know God… never sitting content with adequacy when abundance will do!
And poor Eve… can you imagine the envy of Lucifer, once the most glorious of the angels, when all of creation looks upon Eve in awe and glorifies God? To see Adam, in like way a revelation of the power of God, bowing even to her out of his gratitude to God and his love of her? I imagine Lucifer had designs to subdue Adam, but with Eve at his side and his gratitude to God swelling to burst, nothing could possibly take Adam’s heart off of his heavenly Father.
But if Lucifer could corrupt Eve… she could easily sway Adam.
We know the rest of the sad story. I cannot imagine how beautiful Eve was before the Fall, nor can I imagine how glorious Adam and Eve were together, revealing a perfect and complete image of God to all the universe. Even the angels rejoiced! And Woman’s role is not one of tragedy any longer, for just as Eve ushered in death, Mary ushered in our Life and again bore witness to the beauty of God.
This attack on Eve, though, did not end in the bite of an apple. This attack still goes on and, as a Son of Adam, I will not stand for it. The serpent still whispers in the ear of all men and women, and look at how Eve is attacked in this world, especially in this country. The expectations for women are horrendous and boil down to the subtle but definite difference between attraction and beauty.
Woman, you do not have to put on makeup to enhance your beauty. Makeup covers up, and what you cover up was made by God, who is a master-level craftsman. However, makeup does serve the purpose of making you more attractive which, when it honors the gift of your flesh that God has given you and the whole world, honors God. But when it covers in shame or a vain attempt to “make” oneself beautiful, I think, just works to destroy a woman and fool a man.
Woman, you do not have to obsess over diet or the shape of your body to be beautiful. There is hardly a woman I can think of that is more beautiful than a pregnant woman for example (yet another thing- God entrusted LIFE to woman, and both to man. Another problem in this country…), and what does it do to the beauty of a woman if she gains weight as she ages? Nothing, if she understands her beauty and honors it. However, being healthy honors the gift that God has given you, and good stewardship of that body honors him. But to diet, worry and exercise to “make” oneself beautiful again just works to destroy a woman and fool a man.
Woman, you do not have to throw yourself as a piece of meat into the lion’s den of a man’s sexual appetite. Do you realize that there is a value to your purity that is without price? That is because the ransom has been paid for you, when God gave his Son, who gave his Body and Blood and then The Spirit that you might live freely in Him. You are, until God calls you to Himself through His Son who comes to you in a man, a Bride of Jesus Christ and your purity is a sign of your love and fidelity to him. I cannot summon the words I need to describe the beauty of a woman’s purity… it moves me to tears to even try. Yes, absolutely a man is called to purity as well. But there is something about the purity of a woman and what a woman gives to a man whom she loves, a man that God sings to her through. A man should keep himself pure for her, who ever She might end up being, for in doing so he keeps himself pure for God as she has done. But to throw your pearls to the swine for the sake of… what? Pleasure? It is momentary and is at best a string of moments. Satisfaction? It is not possible to attain because it is bottomless and would take something infinite to fill it, and man in himself is not enough. Fear? Of losing what, a man who is hungry now and has a taste for you? He will move on. Woman, you are too dear and valuable to give yourself away to any man who will not give the same, and only when a man comes to you in the love of Jesus Christ is he a full man who, through Him, can bring you to your full, as you will the man. You may fear losing the man you are with, but if you give yourself to him to keep him, does he give himself to you? Can you buy a heart?
Sex in the Bible is often referred to as “being one flesh.” But without marriage, that flesh has no life, for it hasn’t a spirit. Even Adam was alive in spirit before God crafted a body, for God already had a plan to create man and needed to fashion flesh to house it in. Because it was out of Adam that Eve was drawn, even Eve was alive in spirit before the two were separated. Marriage gives the promise of flesh (the glorious gift of the honeymoon) a spirit so that, when the elements of the flesh come together, the new Person may live! (Sorry if this got really confusing and theological…)
Woman, the bottom line is this: You are created in the image and likeness of God. God is beautiful. You, woman, are created beautiful. Look carefully at that wording: You. Are. Created. Beautiful.
You are not created *to be* beautiful (you are simply by existing).
You cannot *make yourself* beautiful (because you already are).
You cannot *be made beautiful* by anyone else (because God has already done so, and who could surpass his work?).
Certainly, not every woman is attractive; the attraction can be marred, and always fades with time. But God didn’t create anyone or anything to BE attractive, to BE temporary, but immortal. Every woman IS beautiful, period, forever, and a woman who embraces this is incredibly attractive despite any attribute of her flesh. If every woman in the United States realized that, really, they are already beautiful and the only thing that they can do is accept and embrace that truth, the whole economy would then be in real trouble, even more so than now.
No woman would feel compelled to buy any beauty products.
No woman would feel compelled to wear designer clothes.
No woman would be fooled by advertising.
Really, the whole beauty and advertising industry would collapse in a day, as well as the pornographic industry for that matter, because no woman, realizing the gift and reality of her beauty, would dare to let herself be treated like that. Does God reveal himself pornographically? Absolutely not; he reveals himself lovingly and in truth.
So to all those women who have their days when they do not “feel” beautiful, you must remember that you are beautiful anyways, that “feelings” pass where true knowledge is permanent, for if you ever for one moment are not beautiful, than neither is God, whom you most directly, among all creation, reflect. And we all know that God is eternally beautiful. To put on makeup, clothing, a behavior, etc. to “make” yourself beautiful only puts on the “appearance” of beauty, and especially in the case of Woman things are more than they appear, and you are merely eclipsing the truth of yourself. Instead of hiding behind a dead moon of dust and stone, observe how the sun enhances its beauty when hiding itself behind a tree or a cloud, and how glorious it is when hiding in one sense to reveal a deeper aspect of its beauty in another. Makeup, clothing, way… these things do not create beauty, but should serve it. Beauty is the master of these things; do not let them enslave Her.
To those women who struggle even moreso with trying to make themselves beautiful, for those who struggle with eating disorders, with dieting, with fashion, with self-harm, with abuse of any kind- do not lose hope. There are angels who weep in awe of you and the beauty that has been placed in your whole being. Let Christ come to you and heal you, and as you come to know Him you will come to understand that you are beautiful, for why would God pursue with such desperation, sacrifice and romance what was not utterly beautiful and desirable? You ARE lovely, lovable, and loved. Look at what he has given you already, and what he offers to you yet! Reach out to him, and he will take your hand in his and place it on his heart, pounding with love for you with such a strength as to shatter all illusions.
All of you women, from my mother to my sister, to my grandmothers and cousins and aunts, to my very dear friends, to the women in my past, those rocks against whom I shattered my heart again and again, to Eve my first mother and Mary my new one in Christ, to the woman who taught me to sing to the woman who taught me to weep, to the women who have fed me to the women who have starved me, healed me and wounded me, built me up and crushed me, let me astray only to lead me Home… thank you, and thank God.
). The women I blogged about earlier: Josephine taught me first to love passionately and to begin to know the beauty of God and his Church, Maggie taught me to love modesty, purity and holiness, Katherine taught me chaste friendship, poweralto84 blew my heart wide open to the beauty of God through his beautiful Church, my girlfriend (though the lesson was tainted so darkly by my own sins) taught me how marvelous is the creating hand of God, that only he could fashion something so incredible, glorious and beautiful as Woman, and Laura brought all of these lessons together into one person, and it was through her that God taught me the ultimate lesson of love and the purpose of Woman- to bring a man close to God and keep him there. Finally it was her sacrifice, her offering me to God that freed me to say yes to him, though it took yet the beauty and love of another woman, my choir professor, for me to find the courage to begin the journey. 
