Thank you, all, for the responses to my previous post. I’ve kept abreast of the news as it has developed, and it was reported that only around six people came to represent Westboro, and they were outnumbered by about 18 counter-protestors, plus hundreds of people attending the funeral itself. The protest and counter-protest ended shortly after the funeral Mass began. I am glad that they lost their steam early on, but still the whole thing was disgraceful. It seems, however, that the healing process for family and friends is well on its way and that the main idea conveyed during the Mass was forgiveness; glorious God-sent forgiveness!

Being that my entries have been fairly “heavy” as of late, I thought I would give my poor, tired mind a break from the many Masses and funerals and sundry other things that have worked it to a whimpering pulp over the last two weeks! So, please, feel free to express your desires as to what you would like to see on my blog for the next entry, or more should some good suggestions pop up. They can be, literally, about anything- Christianity/Catholocism, God, Jesus, myself, and even off-the-wall topics such as Batman, Star Wars, or Ghostbusters. Thank you for your help, and have fun; my blog is at your service.

*edit*

So I was watching an episode of the CLASSIC “The Real Ghostbusters” today, and there was a scene that I just HAVE to share. Oh, why aren’t cartoons intelligent any more?

Peter: Say, Egon, you know, I just had a thought.

Egon: You had a thought?

Peter: Yeeeees.

Egon. Have a cookie. (Hands Peter a cookie.)

Peter: Why?

Egon: It’s how they train seals, Peter. Unfortunately, I’m out of fish.

OK, so, back to you!

I am sure that many of you have heard of the recent tragedy that befell my home state, as well as a city very near the town where I grew up. Either Easter Sunday night or early Monday morning, Steven Sueppel killed his wife and four children in their home in Iowa City, Iowa. He has been recently charged for stealing thousands and thousands of dollars from the bank he worked at. Shortly after he killed his family with a baseball bat (though initial reports thought perhaps he had shot them), he called 911 to report an emergency at his home. Then he took the family van and drove out onto Interstate 80 for a short ways before intentionally driving into the support poles of a large sign over the highway.

This is a huge tragedy, especially in a state where huge tragedies are rare, at least, it seems this way to me. I love Iowa; anyone who knows me also knows that I talk about Iowa and the area where I grew up all the time, and it is always full of love and longing to go back one day. Iowa is also the kind of state that, when something like this happens, everyone at least in that third of the state feels for those affected, and people who don’t knew each other come together and offer their support.

Now, I wasn’t planning on blogging about this. But there was a turn in this sad tale, a turn for the wicked. Many people have heard enough in the news about the Westboro Baptist Church from Topeka, Kansas and their infamous protests of everything, their hate-filled messages targeting homosexuals, soldiers, and just about anyone. Believe it or not, they are going to protest at this funeral, too, because they believe there will be a large gathering (which there probably will, because we Iowans support one another) and lots of press (because this story got a great deal of it). They also issued the following statement regarding this whole incident. I will warn you now that there is some offensive language, and I apologize in advance if anyone takes offense:

3701 SW 12th Topeka, Kansas 66604 785-273-0325 GodHatesFags.com

Monday, March 24, 2008

NEWS RELEASE

Thank God for six people dead in suspicious circumstances (5 by “an active shooter”) in Iowa City, Iowa! God sent the shooter.

In punishment for Iowa’s sins, and in retaliatory vengeance for Iowa having persecuted WBC. Dt.31:19. WBC to picket their funerals.

Yes. WBC will picket their funerals in religious protest and warning; to wit: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked; for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” Gal. 6:7. God Hates Fags! & Fag-Enablers. Ergo, God hates Iowa; and these 6 people died for Iowa’s sins. Furthermore, the evil State of Iowa has persecuted WBC for preaching the truth to Iowa, and has thereby “sown the wind, and is reaping the whirlwind.” Hos. 8:7. This message is to be preached in respectful, lawful proximity to their funerals – in full compliance with all laws. Beware of Iowa – Land of the Sodomite damned.

………….

You can imagine how angry I want to feel right now.

There is so much hate in that message, but I also imagine they use such language just to get a rise out of people. But not only were the Sueppel’s fellow Iowans, but I am pretty sure that they are my Catholic brothers and sisters, too, guessing by the fact that their funerals and burials will be at a Catholic church and Catholic cemetary. They are distant family, united to myself and over a billion Catholics worldwide through the same baptism. This whole thing is sad enough, but now a group of people have decided to use this tragedy as a soap box to spread their message that God hates. God hates? How could anything that God hated exist? Nothing can exist without God’s love, for everything that exists came into existance through it. If His love ceased, so to would whatever He ceased to love.

This tragedy was the result of a man who had lost hope and fell deeply into the sin of murder, and it probably wasn’t a murder driven by hate but out of sorrow and despair for the future he had brought his dearest loved ones into through his crimes. If there is any hatred present in this crime, it was most likely the man’s hatred for himself and what he had done. I would say to the people of Westboro- let this hatred be enough. If God hated homosexual people or hated Iowa, both would cease to be. But, since neither has, you must accept the undeniable truth that God loves homosexuals and Iowa, and even yourselves, and Jesus died for homosexual people, and he died for Iowa, as much as he died for you. Instead of telling people and states that they are hated by God, why not tell people that God loves them, because I know for certain that more people think God hates them than believe that God loves them, and the world, especially in this time of tragedy in my beloved Iowa and God’s beloved world, must hear that God loves all of us, for IF THE WORLD BELIEVED THIS, SO MANY TRAGEDIES WOULD BE AVERTED ENTIRELY.

But it is so much easier to hate. Jesus showed all of us what it is to truly love, and it didn’t sound easy, and he showed us that it wasn’t easy. We have only to look at Jesus upon the cross, though, to see how easy it is to hate. Jesus reminds us in John 15:18, though, “If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first.” Good people of Westboro, you needn’t crucify anyone; One Innocent Man was enough. If you were, instead, to come in a large mass of people and pray for the souls of the deceased and for the comfort of their families, THAT would make more headlines than any hate-filled words like gall mixed with the sweet wine of the Gospel being waved back and forth like the Roman standards two-thousand years ago.

Please, all you Xangans, pray for Iowa, those affected by this tragedy, and especially pray for the Westboro Baptist Church. God bless you all.

It is truly right
that with full hearts and minds and voices
we should praise the unseen God, the all-powerful Father,
and his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ.


For Christ has ransomed us with his blood,
and paid for us the price of Adam’s sin to our eternal Father!

This is our passover feast,
when Christ, the true Lamb, is slain,
whose blood consecrates the homes of all believers.

This is the night
when first you saved our fathers:
you freed the people of Israel from their slavery
and led them dry-shod through the sea.

This is the night
when the pillar of fire destroyed the darkness of sin!

This is the night
when Christians everywhere,
washed clean of sin and freed from all defilement,
are restored to grace and grow together in holiness.

This is the night
when Jesus Christ broke the chains of death
and rose triumphant from the grave.

What good would life have been to us,
had Christ not come as our Redeemer?
Father, how wonderful your care for us!
How boundless your merciful love!
To ransom a slave you gave away your Son.

O happy fault,
O necessary sin of Adam,
which gained for us so great a Redeemer!


Most blessed of all nights,
chosen by God to see Christ rising from the dead!


Of this night scripture says:
“The night will be as clear as day:
it will become my light, my joy.”

The power of this holy night dispels all evil,
washes guilt away, restores lost innocence,
brings mourners joy;
it casts out hatred, brings us peace,
and humbles earthly pride.

Night truly blessed when heaven is wedded to earth
and man is reconciled with God!

Accept this Easter candle,
a flame divided but undimmed,
a pillar of fire that glows to the honor of God.
Let it mingle with the lights of heaven
and continue bravely burning
to dispel the darkness of this night!

May the Morning Star which never sets
find this flame still burning:
Christ, that Morning Star,
who came back from the dead,
and shed his peaceful light on all mankind,
your Son, who lives and reigns for ever and ever.
Amen.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

 I led you out of Egypt, from slavery to freedom, but you led your Savior to the cross.

 My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

Holy is God! 

Holy and strong! 

Holy immortal One, have mercy on us!

For forty years I led you safely through the desert.

I fed you with manna from heaven, and brought you to a land of plenty; but you led your Savior to the cross.

Holy immortal One, have mercy on us!

What more could I have done for you?

I planted you as my fairest vine, but you yielded only bitterness: when I was thirsty you gave me vinegar to drink, and you pierced your Savior with a lance.

Holy immortal One, have mercy on us!

For your sake I scourged your captors and their firstborn sons, but you brought your scourges down on me.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I led you from slavery to freedom and drowned your captors in the sea, but you handed me over to your high priests.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I opened the sea before you, but you opened my side with a spear.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I led you on your way in a pillar of cloud, but you led me to Pilate’s court.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I bore you up with manna in the desert, but you struck me down and scourged me.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I gave you saving water from the rock, but you gave me gall and vinegar to drink.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

For you I struck down the kings of Canaan. but you struck my head with a reed.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I gave you a royal scepter, but you gave me a crown of thorns.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I raised you to the height of majesty, but you have raised me high on a cross.

My people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

Praise, reverence and service, just as Jesus taught us.

   

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

To think that for you, for me, God did this…

…and most of the world doesn’t even care.

And then at last he gave his final breath,

lance-pierced, his love poured out of his breast.

So gentle and so generous

is our Lord that he would die for us!

O weep, O mourn, Emmanuel has died for thee O Israel!

To think that by the end of this week, the child whose birth we celebrated only a few months ago will be be unjustly condemned and put to death for you.

 How does that make you feel?

Palm Sunday is upon us already!

I’m sure many are familiar with the Gospel, when Jesus rode into Jerusalem and a great crowd of people lay branches on the road before him. It says he rode an ass (or a donkey if that will help stop your giggles), and this was to fulfill scripture.

I was thinking about this, imagining my heart as a kingdom with a single throne. How often do I sit upon it when, really, Christ should be sitting there, reigning over me! If anything, I might sit at his feet! How guarded my heart is, too, at times, all the doors locked and barred. I wish it were a simple matter to fling open those doors and move out of my throne, to let Christ just walk right in with nothing in his way, especially not me. But so it is that I struggle every day to let him sit in his rightful place!

This Gospel passage challenges me and, I feel, every person to welcome Jesus Christ into the kingdom of their hearts, to turn over all authority over ourselves to him instead of clinging to the crowns we think we have over ourselves. Do we greet Christ when he comes to us at Mass in the Eucharist, when he is present in the midst of two or three (or more) of his believers, when we hear the Bible, when we interact with the many people around us? How do we greet him? Do we lay the palms of our gifts before his feet or do we just stand on the curb and wave? Do we offer him ourselves as a beast of burden for him to ride? We are just as much asses (pardon the pun) as any donkey he could find!

I would like to think that I would “roll out the red carpet” as we say today, but I know that I can sometimes go into auto-pilot at Mass and almost completely forget what is actually HAPPENING right before my eyes; the Incarnate Christ, Jesus in the fullness of his presence, is there right before me! I can also forget about the Christ that dwells in each person, each human being gifting the world with a unique revelation of Christ. I can forget about the Christ dwelling in me, too.

So, on this Palm Sunday, I intend to renew my efforts to recognize Christ wherever he is. It is going to be a very busy week, too, as there are some big days coming up (Holy Week already?!?!?!) that I will be helping out with, plus there may be one or two funerals to help with as well. But even in the midst of Martha-like business, we must always endeavor to make the choice of Mary and choose the better part- Christ. May Christ the King ride triumphantly into your hearts, borne upon our humility and greeted with the palms of our good works! Let him be welcomed royally into the very depths of our lives, there to rule until we stand before his throne in heaven, there to cry, “Hosanna!” with the angels and saints forever!

-A Spiritual Exhale of Sorts-

Most of you long-time Xangans who have been visiting for the past few years know about the Mystery Girl Saga, particularly the very end of it (if not, see entries dated August 27th, 2005 through September 11th, 2005).

As maje_charis knows, my heart was very deeply wounded by the events of that time, but for the most part the wounds have healed. But still there are times when I cannot help thinking about what happened, cannot help but feel that deep, heavy sadness and longing for that kind of love again, to be able to completely lose myself in the loving of someone.

I wish it were just as easy to fall in love with Jesus Christ; one should think it would be! With all he has done for me and considering his love for me already, one would think being in love with him would be easy. But I am so easily distracted, especially during these busy days when all manner of things distract me. I’ve felt so distant from him for the past couple of weeks, and the further away I get from him, it seems my heart is torn open little by little until the wound is fresh again.

I have prayed for almost three years that the wound might be healed, and back during pilgrimage (entry dated May 19th, 2007) I thought it had closed up. But more and more I am able to recognize that this is not the case, that my heart has not completely healed and is still hurting. It has been a source of sadness and frustration for several months now, but recently I’ve been thinking about it in the context of my vocation.

I’ve thought about the broken and pierced heart of Jesus, how he is always depicted with his heart open and bleeding. I’ve thought that perhaps he wishes my heart to remain broken and wounded, lest it be closed off from him, because whenever I wake up in the night from a sad dream about those days long past, or when a day passes that is heavy with sad memory, I always turn to him.

These thoughts came up as I was sharing the story of how I walked to Mystery Girl’s house to tell her that I loved her. A group of college students from Creighton University were here, and one of them was talking about another novice who had broken up with his girlfriend to pursue his vocation, leaving her behind and broken hearted. The student asked if I had done the same and I said it was a tale long in the telling, so the rest of the students asked if I would tell it over dinner. So I did, and as a few of them cried I was amazed at how, of all the events in my life, this fateful weekend three years ago this September is by far the most clear in my mind. Not one of them said a word during the whole hour or so that I spoke, and that night I couldn’t help but dwell further.

It has always amazed me at how fascinated people are at the tale. It doesn’t  have a happy ending; the romance is quite tragic. Perhaps it is because the story is true? Regardless, retelling it always helps me to confront the wound it left behind, and I am always given a new and tiny insight into things. It kind of reminds me of praying the Sorrowful Mysteries, or reading about the passion and death of Christ in the New Testament, rereading and rethinking the same sad events over and over and gaining small insights through the grace of God. I often wonder, too, if Christ, because of his passion and death, doesn’t carry the sadness of those days with him always, as I do? He still bore the wound in his side when he appeared to the apostles, so I suppose that his heart still bore the spear’s mark.

I suppose my great hope is that, given time, the on-and-off sorrow of this “passion” of mine will eventually fade into some glorious rising, my own “resurrection” of sorts. When I think of vows in August, for example, my heart is filled with great consolation and joy. Perhaps then, after putting my very heart and soul on the altar of God, Christ will fill it and I will be healed. But, perhaps, Christ would bless me with an equally wonderful grace, of keeping me with him on the cross to suffer, as he kept my dear friend St. Gemma Galgani. Either way, I suppose that there will be bountiful graces so long as a continue to turn to Christ for healing.

It is not easy, though. Those who know me best know that I greatly admire the Gift of Eve in this world. I have striven and grown in admiring them in all chastity, thanking God daily for the beauty he has blessed the world with in Woman. But having wanted to be a husband and father since the age of 12, the very natural longings in my heart for a woman’s love does not go away, and I don’t expect that it ever will. Every time I meet another beautiful woman it is very bittersweet for me, reminding me each time what it is I am being asked to give up for Christ, though I am thankful for the gift of such a meeting as well as the opportunity to be challenged in holiness. So far, God has heaped grace upon me to strengthen me against temptation and unchastity, though I am not always perfect. Yet despite my imperfections, God does not abandon me. If only, though, I could love Christ with as much heart, as much longing and as much dedication as I love the women in my life; what a grace this would be for me!

So I do what I can, to turn my thoughts and longings toward Christ in the hope that, by grace, my whole being will turn naturally with little or no effort on my part. If I recall daily that the beauty of woman serves as a reminder of God’s greater beauty, so long as I honor the most glorious of his creation and cherish it as a great and wonderful gift, perhaps in time I will be healed and I will not so often drink the bittersweet waters of memory and instead enjoy the fresh waters of pure joy. Time and grace will tell and, until then, I must continue to strive for holiness.

And as I thank God, I also thank all the amazing and beautiful women in my life; you are a constant inspiration and source of grace for me. May you never, ever forget the splendor, dignity and grace that God has blessed you with, that you are all mirrors reflecting his greater beauty. What a gift! God bless and keep all of you all of your days.