Here is the last entry for a month or so…

I contemplated the Resurrection. I imagined I was in the tomb, dim moonlight coming in around the boulder covering the entrance. Suddenly The Son appeared in His complete divinity, looking lovingly at the dead and broken body He once existed in, all wrapped in linens and starting to bloat and smell. Sitting on the stone ledge next to the body, The Son lies down on top of the body and vanishes into it. The smell goes away as does the bloating, and the linen over the mouth starts to move as Jesus begins to breath again. Angels appear and begin to slowly and lovingly unwrap Him. St. Michael appears outside and rolls the boulder away, filling the tomb with moonlight as four beautiful angels carry Christ to a white tent outside in the garden.
Inside the tent a dozen angels bathe Him, washing all the oils and aloes and spices off of Him, washing his hair, cleaning out His many wounds, and then massaging His stiff and awakening muscles with heavenly oils. They eventually clothe Him in beautiful white robes before tearing down the tent and returning to heaven. He asks two angels to stay in the tomb to await His disciples, who will surely come in the morning to look for Him.
He then slowly walks around the garden, looking at the sleeping flowers and birds, admiring the moon and the cool feel of wet grass on His bare feet. He begins making His way toward Jerusalem, passing by Golgotha. Jesus stops for a time to look at His cross, still standing there, still dark in places with His dried blood, still bearing the INRI sign above where His head was. He saw the other two crosses and thought sadly of the thief that ridiculed Him, and then joyfully of the thief that He brought into Paradise with Him.
He continued on to Jerusalem, retracing the Way of the Cross, remembering Simon and Veronica, the weeping women of Jerusalem, the times He fell, meeting His mother, and so on. Passing by the home of Pontius Pilate, He knew that the man was soundly asleep inside, having already forgotten the man he allowed to be crucified a few days earlier.
He continued down the dirt streets, enjoying the quiet. Dogs were sleeping outside their master’s doors, raising their heads to pant happily as Jesus passed them, before returning to sleep. Some windows had oil lamps burning inside them, but most houses were still dark at such an early hour.
Eventually Jesus came to where John and His mother, Mary, were staying. The door opened silently and He entered, walking directly to His mother’s bed, sitting upon it. She awoke and without a sound embraced Jesus, weeping joyfully. They sat with each other silently, without a sound so as not to wake up John, until dawn began breaking. He then kissed His mother and returned to the tomb.
Upon arriving He saw Mary Magdalene, looking into the tomb and weeping, thinking that someone had taken Jesus’ body.
Jesus asked why she was weeping and without turning around, thinking Him to be the gardener, she asked if He had taken the body somewhere and if so, to please let her take it. Jesus then said Mary’s name, and she turned around and saw Him, and there was such joy!

Then at the end I read a short article by C.S. Lewis and two things made everything click:
“Christ had defeated death. The door which had always been locked had for the very first time been forced open.”
“This Man, after death, does not get divided into “ghost” and “corpse.” A new mode of being has arisen.”
So I thought, “Christ, you died and rose. You weren’t resuscitated after loss of pulse and/or brain activity; you were dead for days and then were alive again. That means… if I live Your Way, as You did, I won’t “die” either. I will merely be asleep, like Paul says, until you return to wake us up. If I follow You- the Way, the Truth, and the Life- I won’t ever die!”

Then I spent the next several minutes with chills, smiles, chuckles, “duhs” and “wows!”

February 6th
Day28

Yesterday (Monday) I returned to the Castle for the first time since Day 7. Wow! I came in the Triple Colloquy to ask God for the grace of the Contemplatio.
When I came to Our Lord Jesus, we embraced as brothers and I realized how familiar we were with each other now, how much better I knew Him. Oh it was beautiful, and with Mother standing there smiling at us, too.
When those doors to the Throne of Mercy opened again, me between Our Lord and Our Lady, with Angel holding onto the hem of my doublet and trailing behind, I felt that same wash of presence and glory sweep over me as always, and God was happy to hear my request.

Today I returned to the castle to think about the 3rd point of the Contemplatio, about how God labors for me. Angel and I went to see Mother, to ask to see Jesus. She was in her greenhouse tending roses with St. Therese and St. Gemma Galgani! She happily gave me her blessing to see Our Lord.
Angel and I continued on to Christ’s audience room to find two angels playing around His throne. “He’s probably out in the fields,” they say, “Angel can find Him.”
So Angel flies me down to the fields where we find Our Lord hoeing dirt with a group of men, sweating and shirtless, His many scars very apparent and causing Angel to cringe in sad memory. Upon seeing me He puts down the hoe, wipes His face on His arm, and asks what’s up.
“I’m on Point 3 of the Contemplatio, about how God labors for me, and I was wondering if You had any advice.”
He said, “Sure!” and picked up the hoe, getting back to work. “Tell me what you see.”
I saw tilled soil, corn growing in the distance, sky, clouds, sun, birds, and the men working.
“Good. Where did all these come from?”
“God.”
“Yes. In the beginning He created all these things. Then what?”
“He rested.”
“Yes. God took a break! God was exhausted! Six days of hard labor, bringing everything into being. Everything existed first in His love, then was brought into being by His love, and His continued love sustains it all. Love IS labor. To praise, reverence and serve can be hard work, especially toward your enemies. God is constantly loving everything in existence, therefore He is always laboring. Otherwise, whatever wasn’t loved by God wouldn’t exist.”
“Wow… wow. Thank you Jesus!”
“You are welcome. Is there anything else?”
“Just stay with me while I think about a response to all that!”
“Oh, I will,” He said, smiling.
“Thanks for giving me the facts!”
“Anytime!”
We waved goodbye and I came back to my room.

The best response I came up with was to try and be more mindful of everything I do, to do it lovingly for God. It’s a tall order, but I know I will have lots of Help.

God’s love in the beginning wasn’t a match that lit Life’s fuse; His love is the constant flame that keeps reality burning hot and wonderfully. If His love ever stopped, so would everything else.

Well, I only have one more journal entry from the Spiritual Exercises to post, but I’m going to save it for tomorrow. I am leaving on my pilgrimage on Saturday, so I won’t be updating for another month.

Pilgrimage, what is that? Well, in my case it is where I go live as a homeless beggar pretty much, for thirty days. I’m given a phone card to keep in touch with the novitiate, $35, and a one-way bus ticket to a starting location. From there I’ve decided I’ll be begging my way to Maine, and I have some loose plans made to stay with the Shakers there for a time. (Above is a picture of one of the buildings.)

So, pray for all of us novices as we scatter into the world! Some of us are headed to D.C., Maryland, Seattle, New Orleans; a few even to Mexico City to Our Lady of Guadalupe! Very few are going straight to their destination; most are taking a bus part way and then begging the rest of the way and then working their way back to St. Paul somehow. Exciting, isn’t it?

So, if during the next month you see a young man walking along with nothing but what he is wearing, a backpack on his back and prayer on his lips, you may have just seen a Jesuit novice! I think it will be my province and the California province out on pilgrimage starting this weekend, so who knows who you might run into!! I’ll post my final pre-pilgrimage entry tomorrow night or Saturday before I leave so until I get back from pilgrimage, know that I’ll keep you all in my prayers and that I’ll miss being a small electronic part of your lives! 

                                                                                        Yours in Christ, Jacob

“Is there anything in there about the Grail?”

The gallant and smart-seeming knight flipped frantically through the mysterious tome.

“Well… I… oh, yes yes Sire! It says here that the Grail was in fact a woman!”

“A woman! I’ve never…”

“Yes Sire! A woman! Perhaps we should return to Castle Anthrax?”

The great king of the Britons thought for a moment.

“Brave companion, how are we to know that this book is trustworthy and accurate in its Grail lore?”

The knight looks near the beginning of the text.

“The author says here that “all descriptions of artwork, architecture, documents and secret rituals in this novel are accurate.” Surely one so well spoken is highly learned and prone to few errors!”

“What? Let me see that.”

Arthur, the high and mighty king of all Britain and the keeper of Camelot castle, took the strange text within his regal hands. With his vast intellect he scrutinzed the author’s claim of accuracy, and after much deliberation, prayer and discernment he closed the book, tossed it aside and said:

“We shant listen to this “DaVinci Code.” ’tis a silly book.”

With that the brave company rode off with a great thunder of hooves whilst humming a tune as one of which the minstrels of Sir Robin would have played before they were eaten.

THE END

January 20th
Day 11

A Poem to the Blessed Virgin Mary (a little bonus for y’all)

Blessed Lady, who’s constant thoughts of peace
form tangibly to hold, in arms, thy child
named Tranquility, Hope. O Mother Mild,
rest thy eyes upon me, to never cease!
My heart, lost in merciless mists, weeping,
the source of thy grace, Love, it longs to know.
Teach it to find that Font, to ever grow
in Love for Him, Love’s waters e’er deep’ning.
A cup for me, Dear Lady, be thy hands
for this precious water, that I might drink
and deeper, deeper still in Love to sink,
though ‘tis by Love I live, by Love I stand.
Oh Blessed Hope, tranquil cherub smiling!
Laugh for me from thy Mother’s gentle arms,
that my ears may bear to my heart thy charms;
the knells of death for its sadness, dying.

The standard (flag) of Lucifer works on convincing you that something, anything worldly, is yours. Based on that ownership, you are entitled to certain rights and privileges- preferred use, greater share, etc. With this mindset, pride shortly follows. His standard is intended to make Captain Ahabs of all of us- so obsessed about our whale that it destroys us. Lucifer, bearer of false light, would have the captains of our bodies, our souls, go down with the ship.

The standard (flag) of Christ would have us grateful for all things granted and shared with us by God, seeing everything as not given for the keeping, but given in trust. All gifts we receive are on loan, if you will. Instead of rights and privileges we have responsibilities to use our gifts for praising, reverencing and serving God and His people. That often means giving our gifts away not recklessly, but freely, recognizing, “Well, it isn’t really mine anyway.” When our whale escapes us, we realize the stupidity of obsessing about something less meaningful than our greatest gift- our soul. The rest of the ship can sink, but God desperately wants the soul returned to Him!
Basically, we all have a space in our soul for God. The way of Lucifer would have us crowd or even fill it with worldly things, leaving God little or no room. Jesus would have us, in poverty of spirit, keep this place as open as possible for God. By remaining detached from material things, we keep this place free of worldly clutter. Actual poverty protects our efforts toward spiritual poverty by giving Lucifer less to work with, though we must be ever vigilant.

January 23rd
Day 14

Jesus was not God-in-Man, as if God were disguised as one of us, “wearing” flesh. Jesus was God-As-Man. He was fully human. He didn’t have special powers or anything like that. He was truly one of us. In this, not only was He sent to free us from sin and to help us reenter Eden and reunite us with God, but He came also to redeem our humanity. So many of us try and shirk our humanity, to try and rise above it with cosmetic surgery, painkillers, wealth, sex, and many other things without ever pausing to remember that our humanity is a gift from God. That is why Jesus doesn’t turn the rock into bread in the desert; humans cannot do such things. We must rely on God for our sustenance, we cannot create it for ourselves. We must entrust our needs to Him for fulfillment. Remember Adam’s punishment that we must sweat for our food.
Jesus next resists the offer of power in order to acknowledge and accept His role as the servant spoken of in Isaiah, and He doesn’t leap from the Temple because it would show everyone that He inarguably is the Messiah, robbing us of the free will to decide if we will accept Him or not.
So Jesus could be tempted. Big deal? YES. Think about it- what if Jesus had sinned? He was fully human after all; He could have sinned. God would have been divided against Himself, and a divided kingdom cannot stand, as the Gospel says. ALL would have been lost.
Satan knew that Jesus was as vulnerable as God would ever be. If he could tempt Jesus to sin, Satan would win. Thank You, Jesus, for not sinning!
Jesus, therefore, is the greatest proof that God loves us! God knew that doing this threatened His own existence, but did it anyway because He loves us! He literally risked EVERYTHING to wipe away sin, reopen Heaven to all, and to teach us how to live and accept the beautiful gift of being human.

January 30th
Day 21

The amazing thing about Jesus is that He was FULLY a man. All of the negatives of being human- pain, lone, tire, weakness, longing, betrayal, loss, death- He can now look back on all of this with the mind of God, knowing and understanding them entirely with no mystery. We are so lucky in that we can never fully understand something. Imagine if you could fully understand your life’s most painful moment; this is what Jesus can do now with His entire life, and He chose do endure an eternity of perfect, complete and clear memory for us. God experienced suffering and death BECAUSE HE LOVES US SO MUCH. All of these things Christ WILLINGLY endured; He knew He was God and knew that He had the power to stop everything, but knew that using that power would choose against His purpose on earth- being human. Therefore He chose instead all of this suffering for the sake of all, denying Himself and picking up His cross, not even speaking to defend Himself against false accusations, because it was all God’s will. We must all, then, follow Christ and accept willingly all suffering toward ourselves as God’s will, accepting that we cannot fly, heal, read minds, or possess any super-human powers. We cannot even provide anything for ourselves, so weak and human are we. We must first work with the one power God gave us: CHOICE. When used to its fullest, choice can lead to amazing things. Really, it was the only “power” Jesus had as a man and in choosing God with all His being, God did amazing things through Him.

When I slowly put all this together, I felt like I was coming to the edge of something great; Jesus’ greatness. Though I was afraid, I jumped off the edge… I cannot describe the feeling of falling into Jesus than to say it was Christ in a way I have never before known!

January 17^th

Day 8

I tried to imagine being with The Trinity, imagining three separate beings, all speaking in three voices at once. God the Father was similar as before- white with an indiscernible face. Christ was the same as always but without the crown of thorns and without His wounds. The Holy Spirit had a very lithe and graceful quality and looked made of liquid fire.

            All three stood on a dark cloud at night, the top of the cloud made silver by the moon above them. They said, “It is time.”

            “I am ready, Father,” said the Son.

            “As am I,” said the Spirit.

            “Gabriel,” said God, “we call you.”

            Gabriel appeared with his long trumpet.

            “Go and seek Mary.”

            “Yes My Lord!”

            And he was in flight.

I imagined Mary living alone in a small stone house. She is asleep when Gabriel enters. Oh what a sight! Glowing white skin, silver armor and flowing white cape! On the back of his armor are mighty silver wings, folded back. His helmet is close-faced with spread wings pointing back and up along the sides. He removed it, brilliant white hair spilling out.

            “My Lady, please awaken!”

            Mary stirred, sitting up while clutching the blanket to her breast in quiet surprise and blessed modesty, though she was fully gowned. Gabriel knelt on one knee before her.

            “Hail Mary, full of grace! You are in great favor with our Lord! He wishes, oh dearest Lady, with your consent for you to conceive within your womb His Son! He will be the Son of the Most High, and His name will be Jesus.”

            “But I am a virgin, betrothed to Joseph! How can this be?”

            “Dear Lady, the Holy Spirit will come to you; with utmost love and tenderness He will come to you, and by God’s power you will conceive.”

            Mary stood, wrapping the blanket around herself against the chill of the night. Gabriel bowed his head, his right arm resting on his raised knee while he grasped his great trumpet in the other. She knelt and kissed the signet ring of God on Gabriel’s right hand, pledging her loyalty to God’s will.

            “I am the Handmaid of the Lord. May it be done to me according to your word.”

            “Oh dear Lady! I go at once to tell Him!”

            He kissed her hand and departed, riding his white horse, cape billowing in the moonlight. He soon arrived at a grove of trees not far from the town, the leaves bathed in calm silver. There he unhorsed, kneeling before a white-robed figure with its hood up.

            “My Lord, she consents!”

            “Well done, faithful servant. Go back to Our Castle and inform all that the Son will soon be among Men.”

            Gabriel rode off as the figure walked gracefully to Mary’s house. All along the way flowers bloom at His approach, closing again their flowers as He passes away from them. Any horses, cows or sheep that are awake yet bow their heads and make a soft sound in their tongue, and people in nearby houses sleep even more peacefully.

            When He arrives, the door opens for Him. The fire in the fireplace starts, the dough on the table rises, and torn garments waiting to be sewed are restored. Soon He approaches a sleeping Mary. He pulls back His hood to reveal a being of soft, white light. He sits on the bed beside her, kissing her gently on the head before resting His hand upon her belly for a time.

            Suddenly Heaven bursts into song, singing, “Salvation is Created!”

            With that, the figure departs.

            Morning comes and I arrive at Mary’s house. I am a neighbor from close by, a farmhand that visits Mary every morning to do work for her since she lives alone. I find the door open, the fire lit, and no sign of Mary though she is usually outside by this time. Alarmed, I quietly enter.

            “Milady?” I say aloud. Nothing. Soon I find her at rest, peacefully. I kneel beside her, shaking her gently.

            “Milady, it is morning. I am sorry to wake you.”

            “Hmm? Oh Jacob, yes. Good morning.”

            “Is there any way I can serve you today?”

            She thinks a moment, “Will you pray with me?”

            “Yes, Milady, but I don’t know any Jewish prayers.”

            “That is all right.”

            We knelt together at her bedside. I began, thanking God for His many miracles and prayed for aid in following His Law until the Messiah comes.

            Then Mary opened a small book of Psalms.

            I opened my eyes and flipped my Bible to the Psalms, picking the first one I saw, trusting God to guide me. He lead me to Psalm 85 and OH! It was glorious!

You once favored, LORD, your land, restored the good fortune of Jacob.

You forgave the guilt of your people, pardoned all their sins.

You withdrew all your wrath, turned back your burning anger.

Restore us once more, God our savior; abandon your wrath against us.

Will you be angry with us forever, drag out your anger for all generations?

Please give us life again, that your people may rejoice in you.

Show us, LORD, your love; grant us your salvation.

I will listen for the word of God; surely the LORD will proclaim peace To his people, to the faithful, to those who trust in him.

Near indeed is salvation for the loyal; prosperity will fill our land.

Love and truth will meet; justice and peace will kiss.

Truth will spring from the earth; justice will look down from heaven.

The LORD will surely grant abundance; our land will yield its increase.

Prosperity will march before the Lord, and good fortune will follow behind.

            Mary and I sang it together before she rose.

            “May I do anything else for you, Milady?”

            “Please fetch my fiancée Joseph. I should like to see him.”

            “Yes Milady. I will also put some water on the fire for your bath before I leave.”

            “Thank you, Jacob.”

I was invited in, same as before. The light was blinding and I felt chills all over as pure glory washed all over me! I kept my eyes on the beautiful white carpet and my clothes had become white, too. Peripherally I could see open sky and the ground was of cloud. Angels and saints and holy people were all around me, and Angel flew off to greet a friend. Soon I reached the kneeler and knelt, having been lead by Christ and accompanied by Mother.
“Who is this?” a deep, rich, soothing, powerful voice echoed.
“Father,” Jesus said, “this is my brother, Your son, Jacob. He comes to beg favors of You, and Mother is with him.”
The Voice spoke again, “What say you to your God and King?”
I prayed the Our Father and soon felt God’s Hands upon mine.
“Well spoken! Rise, my son, but do not look at My Face.” I looked into His chest, seeing His brilliant but simple white robe. All around me the angels had knelt along with everyone else, and the Sanctus was sung. It was glorious!!
“What would you have of your God, Jacob?” I humbly begged Him of the three favors as He listened thoughtfully.
“I am with him, Father,” said Jesus. “I am with him, my Lord,” said Mother.
“Jacob, my son, look at My Face.”
It was like staring directly into a bright, white light without squinting. What a glorious sight, even without any detail at all!
“You cannot see My Face because you haven’t eyes of the spirit, but of flesh. Someday, you will see My Face. Now, about your favors- you have suffered and wept enough, but have felt little of true joy until lately. Jacob, look at the Throne of Mercy. What do you see?”
“I see three white chairs, finely carved, with red cushions. They are at the same level, with Yours taller and in the center, with the other two of same height with each other. I see Gabriel Your herald at the bottom of the stairs and Raphael as Your scribe across from the herald.”
“Christ sits on my right,” God said.
“Where is the Holy Spirit?” I asked. Angel probably laughed somewhere at hearing me ask this.
God then knelt before me, turning my hands until my palms were toward His Face. I felt Him kiss my palms and an amazing rush of feeling surged through my whole body.
“My Spirit is present within you, as My greatest gift. I love you so much, Jacob, see? I kneel and I lower myself in love to you! I kiss your hands to show my loyalty!”
I collapse to my knees. “Oh God! It is I who should kneel!”
He embraced me, saying, “Yes, let us kneel together and meet as one. Don’t ever try to make yourself above Me, or I will stand to my fullest and humble you!”
“Yes, Father!”
“Jacob, I love you so much, and I will always be with you, bearing your sin so you may have joy always.”
God lifted me to my feet and bid all to stand. We all sang the Gloria and kept cheering, “Hosanna, our God!” He then said that I will join Him for His Son’s banquet, which I must help prepare for! Everyone rushed off to the exit as Mother walked me to my room.
“Hurry! You mustn’t be late! And you should wear something a little nicer today!”
It was 4:20pm when my eyes opened and I thanked God, dressed, and went to the chapel without formally ending my prayer hour. Therefore, it never really ended.
All the while I could imagine Angel coaching me through my various sacristan duties as I prepared our chapel for Mass, explaining why everything had to be a certain way, and that everything had to be perfect.
While at Mass, I witnessed also Mass in Heaven, taking place in a GREAT banquet hall, everyone in Heaven seated at a long marble table that stretched out of my sight. I sat next to God, at His left in the seat of the Holy Spirit while Christ sat on the Father’s right. These seats were up a small number of stairs behind the priest celebrating the Mass. Everyone in Heaven wept at the Agnus Dei.
Afterwards we attended a feast with food, like real food for our bodies. Angel coached me on proper eating while I sat next to God, especially to take smaller bites. I took less food at dinner than I usually do (rice with chicken curry and a piece of bread with butter and honey with water to drink), remembering I had asked God yesterday to help me eat less. I prayed before dinner that I might learn to eat enough to nourish me, and that His grace would satisfy me so I wouldn’t feel the need to continue eating after I had eaten what I needed. It was the most wonderful meal ever, and a beautiful young St. Cecilia in her white Roman gown played beautiful piano music while everyone dined and chatted quietly. Angel kept coaching me on manners while doing the exact opposite herself and making a mess.
After dinner I went back to my room and journaled the previous entries about eating and about faith not being enough. Angel flew off for a bit to play, but returned when I was ready for my next prayer hour.
When I was ready, Angel knocked on my door and led me to the stone hall. We met St. Michael, very cheery now, who led me to a small greenhouse full of roses! Mother and St. Therese of Liseaux were there. Upon St. Michael announcing us, Mother asked Therese to leave. She did so, curtsying to Mother with a French, “Madame,” and as she passed me she smiled and said, “Monsieur.”
Mother asked me to come closed, putting her arm around me. “Would you like one?”
“Oh yes Mother!”
I begged God, with Mother and St. Therese’s help, to let me smell a rose from the Heavenly garden. In my room (the “real” world) I felt a slight breeze blow on my face and I could barely smell the sweet scent of rose upon it! In my mind I clasped the rose to my chest, thanking Mother before putting the stem through the buttonhole of my coat.
Then I took her arm and she led me down the hall towards Christ’s room. The angels sang “Ave Maria” as we walked. I asked why they only sang songs that I’ve heard before. She answered, “You can’t hear Heaven’s music yet, but you will. They still wanted to sing for you, though!”
When we arrived at the entrance we were waved right on in. I saw Him rise from His seat, smiling. I turned to Mother, silently begging her for permission to run to Him. She smiled and nodded. Angel raced me but I beat her! Christ scooped me up and whirled me around, holding me up in one arm. I was now a child, probably about six or seven years old. I looked at His pierced hands.
“Did I do this?” I asked.
“Yes, but it’s all right. I wanted to do it for you.”
We both smiled and laughed as He put me down. I took His arm, and I took Mother’s, and between them we walked toward the door to God. On the way, feeling VERY silly, we all started singing “The Wizard of Oz” while we skipped up to the door. Jesus waved St. Michael aside.
“Why don’t you open it, Jacob?” Jesus says.
“Me?”
“Go on,” says Mother, “We’re right here.”
Angel gives me a playful shove and I slowly pull the metal handles. The doors slowly open… and in both worlds I see blinding light and am overcome with beauty and joy! God is walking toward me!
I had taken Christ’s and Mother’s arms again, but I break free and run to Him, wrapping my arms around Him, weeping and saying, “Oh God, I love You so much!”
Suddenly, everything stopped. I looked into God’s white face, and felt Him smiling, but He didn’t speak. Angel shook her head and took me back to my room.
After much thanking and prayer, I spent some time wondering what went “wrong.”
I remembered running to Christ… after Mother said, “yes.” Then I remembered, “None may go to the Father except through Me.”
I think Angel made a face when I finally figured it out- I did not ask Jesus if I could run to God! So, smiling, I humbly asked God to teach me patience so that tomorrow, hopefully, I may see Him again while minding my manners.

This is when the retreat started to get very intense and amazing. Remember, I’m not just writing a story here; what follows is an account of my experience. When I describe seeing something, I’m describing what I see in my mind. When I describe something I feel, I actually feel it physically. All of this was very real to me at the time. Here it goes…

I began my 3rd prayer hour by walking up to an enormous castle in the clouds. The huge door is guarded by a very severe-looking St. Michael. He draws his flaming sword and says, “What business have you?” Nervously I answer, “I come to beg favors of God.”
He sheathes his sword and grudgingly opens the doors. They yawn open and close when I get inside. I feel someone tap my shoulder. I turn to see my beautiful guardian angel (who looks like Sienna Guillory). She is wearing a simple white Roman-style dress/gown, has white wings, and is about four-feet tall and very silly, but also very wise.

“All right Jacob, we are going to see the Queen first; she’ll soften Him up.”
“OK. What do I do?”
“We’ll walk forward, eyes to the floor. I’ll lead you to a kneeler and you’ll kneel. Don’t do ANYTHING unless she says to, OK?”
“OK.”
Angel leads me forward and down a deep red carpet in a plain, stone hall. I arrive at the kneeler, kneel and wait. Then a woman says, “What say you?” I bravely pray ‘My Queen, My Mother,’ ‘Prayer for Purity,’ and ‘The Seminarian’s Prayer.” When I open my eyes I see two feet in blue slippers, the bottom of a white dress and the train of a blue cloak.
“Well spoken, my child!” Mary says, taking hold of my open hands, “Rise! What would you have of your Mother?”
I look at Mary. She’s middle-aged but so very kind and beautiful, holding my hands and smiling! Angel squeezes my shoulder, also smiling. I then ask of Mary the three favors of the Exercise, about feeling sorrow for my sins, for a realization of their consequences, things of this nature. She listens lovingly while Angel gets increasingly antsy.
“Come child; let us go to my Son and Lord.”
Angel squeals in delight and I offer to take Mother’s arm. She leads me down a long hall while hundreds of angels play “Salve Regina” on trumpets and other brass instruments from choirs above us. Eventually the plain stone gives way to a place that looks like the inside of Yorkminster Cathedral, and soon we stood in front of the choir area, the door again guarded by St. Michael.
“Wait here,” Mother says as she enters. I wait nervously with Angel and a slightly less severe-looking St. Michael. A voice from the other side says, “Let him in.”
“You may enter,” St. Michael says. When I enter, I see the vastness of an immense cathedral with marble floors and walls, stained-glass window and a soft, crimson carpet. Mother instructs me to let her lead me to a kneeler where I will await His instruction. Eyes down, arm-in-arm with Mother and a fidgety Angel in tow, we walk forward. Everything is bathed in golden light, like in Rivendell or during the late afternoon in fall. An angelic symphony and chorus is performing the “Ode to Joy.”
Soon I reach the kneeler and Mother releases me so I may kneel. A gentle but firm voice said, “Who is this?”
“My Lord, Son, this is Jacob. He comes to ask you of favors. I will support him in whatever he asks of You.”
“Very well. What say you to your Lord?” I then pray the Anima Christi, hands together like a child. By the end, I feel His pierced hands around mine.
“Well spoken! Rise and look at me!”
I did and He wore a simple reddish robe and a crown of thorns. His pierced hands and feet were bare. He embraced me like a brother and held my shoulders, laughing and smiling.
“What would you have of me, Master Jacob?” Angel gasped and curtsied toward me. I asked the three favors of the Exercise, same as with Mary, and she nodded in agreement, giving her support to my requests. Jesus looked thoughtfully at me for a moment and said, “Let’s meet Father!”
He took my arm, I took Mother’s and between them with Angel hovering behind, we progressed to an immense door.
“Cast your eyes upon the ground and wait here,” Jesus said as St. Michael opened the doors. Intense white light covered the floor as He and Mother entered. The doors shut.