August 15, 2006

• Who Saves the Knight on the White Horse?

  

  
  

  I have given nearly all of my things away. I have only the clothes I need, a few books, some scrapbook items to put into a scrapbook when I have what I need, some framed pictures, and a very large, very strange looking but beloved poinsettia. My CD collection is still, for the most part, present but it is earmarked for people that have not yet received the remainder of it. So far, everything I have offered people has been accepted. First I offered my life to the Jesuits, and was accepted. My material wealth has been offered and accepted. The most treasured of all my earthly gifts, my last kiss, was offered and initially accepted near the end of spring. The kiss was not given at the time, but it was promised that sometime over the summer, the exchange would occur.

  
  

  Today I awoke to find a letter from the intended, and immidiately I knew that I would be refused. Today, it was reaffirmed that every woman I had ever fallen in love with, regardless of how heavily or lightly, has turned me away.

  
  

  Though she will always be dearest to me, I am deeply heartbroken over the matter. I cannot remember what a kiss is like, a real kiss, and the last woman I kissed did not, in fact, love me at all. I can only remember the lack of love, but cannot remember the last kiss. It is probably extremely childish and perhaps ridiculous to be this upset over something as simple as a kiss, but it is a kiss I dreamed about all summer and was the one gift I yearned to give away. Material things can be left with family or thrown away but a final kiss… is either given, or it isn’t.

  • 1:16 pm
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