So here is a thought I overheard in a discussion this past week. I thought it was a very good question.

Suppose you are at a point in your life where you do not want to be in a relationship. Say, for example, you are about to graduate college and will be leaving the state in two months. Or, perhaps, you feel like you need time to be alone for a while, to figure out exactly what kind of a relationship you want, what kind of person you are looking for, whatever ever. There are dozens of reasons why a person would not want to be in a relationship.

Anyways, the discussion was, “Is it right to tell a person that, in other circumstances, you would love to be with them?” For example, you are at one of these points in your life where you know a relationship isn’t what you want. Yet, you find yourself having deep feelings for a person, and you would very much like to be in a relationship with them. Circumstances being what they are, you decide not to go there, yet you feel like you still should let them know how you feel. Do you tell that person?

I thought it was very interesting. People said things like, “no, that wouldn’t be very fair to just say ‘I love you, but I can’t be with you. Sorry,’ and then leave it at that.” or “yes, you should at least be honest about how you feel. At least that person will know that they are loved by someone out there.”

So I thought I would open up discussion to the Xanga world and see what you all come up with. Hope it proves to be thought provoking!

Why do you always drink from the

well of my tears?

Is not the rain enough to

satiate your appetite for my

sadness, or slake your

thirst for my

mourning?

What brings you ever back to

my eyes, to dip your

hand like a cool dagger into

my heart and cup a

mouthful of my soul’s

salt in your palm?

Is it that salt that

feeds your addiction to

my sorry fate, my

heart’s sweat born of

the effort expended in

getting past your memory,

of digging a hole in my

soul deep enough to bury and

forget you in?

Do you find pleasure in

making me weep, do you hear

music in my sighs and

cries in the night, the

serenade I sing to my

pillow until all my

breath is gone and I

drown in what I have

left to live off of?

If it is my salt you

want, let me die and

bury me deep in stone and dirt.

Plant me as a seed to

grow and take root in the

earth like a sad

memory, and you

can sweat and

cry, ripping my

flesh out of the

world to feed your

craving for my heart.

Before I post my latest poem, let me just tell all of you to go see “V For Vendetta.” It is quite incredible, and I hope it will make all of you think about the role of government. That and it is just awesome.

But to look into your eyes,

to run the eternal distance from

your angelic face back into the

darkness in your glittering orbs

until I collapse in a breathless heap

on Heaven’s doorstep.

I pray to be worthy to enter

there into the red forest,

the one true frontier remaining,

the place no eye has seen.

But I, the humble pilgrim,

will seek it out, following the

crimson flow to its source,

hoping to rest there ever more,

lulled to soulful sleep by the

beat of your life’s drum

’til my heart and

yours are played by the same hand…

oh, to look into your eyes…

would you see back into mine?

Would you knowmy thoughts and

see the man trapped in a cruel fate of

seeing and believing, but not having?

The guard puts my water just beyond my

reach, the cold iron bars holding back my

tired body.

I thirst for your eyes, ache, long, lament for

your eyes.

Blink once and see my life burst

in a solar flare of fury at the

brief moment’s concealment of your

glistening gems.

Blink twice and see me die a thousand

deaths, robbed too long of my

breath, suffocating in the moments

between the flutter of your lash,

light whips that beat heavily upon

my heart, though I mind not the pain

my tormentor, my love, my sustenance…

but to look into your eyes.

Some people go to Medieval Civilization to learn about the women of that time period. Others, like me, use it for doing what they want to. Thus follows what I did for at least part of that class, aside from tormenting maje_charis for jinxing me. Let’s just say that I was so mean she called the entire jinx game off until further notice. Woops!

Oh woman, why?

Why can you not see what is so

plain to my eyes, crude as they are?

Do you not know, truly, your own beauty?

If you could see your eyes through my

eyes, no gem would have any value to you;

your voice, all music a raucous rhapsody;

your body, all earth and space is but a

plain rock with a bit of dirt upon its

rough face.

Your soul. . . oh if you could see

your soul; what warmth, what light

could the sun provide? Nay, it would

become as the moon and the moon

would be no more; you would

rise in the morning and set in

the eve, the sun would rise

thereafter and be a cold, pale

reminder of your daylight splendor.

Do you see the things of nature dressing, preening?

Is the trimmed rose bush more desirable

than one growing free and wild?

Nature’s beauty is not bound by

judgement nor opinion and is beautiful

because there is no other way.

Beauty by nature is a truth, not a state or choice.

You cannot become beautiful, any more

than the trees in autumn can make

their leaves gold by force of will.

Rather than fight the change, they

embrace it.

See what glory happens in the acceptance!

To fight the coming loss of leaf would

mean they stay forever green.

To clasp tight the change to their

dear breasts oh. . . the beauty,

the rapturous delight and

dignity the tree displays!

Woman, be the tree and you, too,

shall shine a splendid gold

within, without.

Do not cover your changing leaves

with false green in

vain

to hide the coming change.

Paint what you will- any image,

any color

yet the nature of the

canvas always remains.

Beauty has already been chosen for you;

surrender.

Well Spring Break is officially underway, though I won’t be heading home tonight. Why not? WELL, I’ll tell you why. I don’t have cable. Big deal, right? WRONG. Tonight is the season finale of BattleStar Galactica. That means no more BSG until July!!!! Holy crappers! Even then it might suck because I still won’t have cable, unless I go with my brother to his girlfriend’s, who has cable and is also an angel, so the odds of being able to attend are favorable.

   I’d also like to ask that everyone pray for me/think of me/send positive vibes my way/whatever you do to help a guy out over break. I have my interviews with the Jesuits Monday-Wednesday. I’m kind of nervous about it… I mean, I will be interviewed intensely by people I don’t know. I’ll be asked very deep, personal questions and I have to give deep, personal answers. Everything is confidential but… you see why I’m nervousish? So please acquiesce to the aforementioned request, if you would be so kind, and it would really help me out. Thank you all!

PS- Name the movie the pick is from!! (Hint: it is a SWEET movie haha.)

PPS- An update over Spring Break may not occur due to an internet connection that operates at the speed of inbred redneck brain cell multiplication (slow).

Just a quick update: things are fine. Can’t wait to go home today! I also just wanted to show you how amazing my brother can be. Here is a bit of wisdom he gave his girlfriend, who is super excited about moving on to college:

“oh college piss piss….you only gona be like20 min away from home, that aint college…look at me. see where a 20min edication gets you? I get more driving XP then real stuff. course you gona live on campus……..but the point is this. high school is like poop, sometimes you have to work at it but some times you dont, and some times, before you know it, its all over with and  you wipe off the left overs and move on. butt college is different poop. its one you have to sit there and think about before you act, do you really have to do it or is it just bad gas? butt you do it anyway cause the majority of the people do it to. this time it takes forever and sometimes it hurts. butt in the end, after you regain your composure, you feel so much better and then you continue on with life. welcome to the real world.”

Sometimes, bro, you are a very wise man.

Nothing like starting the day off by splitting your gut with laughter. Ah, yes.