Please forgive me everyone if my lack up updates has upset any of you. I’ve been incredibly busy as of late and now I find myself with the time I need to write a blog for you.

Tomorrow is the Formal Dance at the Territorial Prison. I’m VERY much looking forward to that, I got a really neat tuxedo thingy similar to what Kurt Russell is wearing below:

except I’m not wearing a hat and I don’t have a pocket watch. It is basically a tuxedo with a short duster-style jacket. Pretty nice. My hair is long enough now that I can pull it back too. It’ll be a new look for me. My date’s name is Melissa, a really nice girl from my church. I don’t know her too well but we talk a lot when we see each other so I suppose I could call her a friend. Ha! Most of you jumped and thought “girlfriend!” Sorry to disappoint but remember, it’s ME were talking about, the 20-year wonder. So yeah, that’s my weekend. Other than that things are ok. Pretty soon I’m getting together with friends and we are either going to go to the Activity Center or run around in the underground tunnels and shoot each other with dart guns. Lot’s o’ fun for sure. Hmm. . .  what else. … I can’t think of anything. Oh yeah. Anyone ever heard of the Roman caesar Marcus Aurelius? He was the emperor that was murdered in “Gladiator”. . . anyways I have a book that has Plato, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius in it. I found one of his passages to be especially true to me. Here it is:

“Anything which is in any way beautiful is beautiful in itself, and terminates in itself, not having praise as part of itself. Neither worse then nor better is a thing made by being praised. . . That which is really beautiful has no need of anything; not more than law, not more than truth, not more than benevolence or modesty. . . Is such a thing as an emerald made worse than it was, if it is not praised?”

So yeah, if no one has ever told any of you that you are beautiful, that does not mean that you are not. I know a great many women and they are all beautiful and though I haven’t told them all that I think this way I hope they do not think that they are not beautiful simply because their ears have not confirmed it. In fact, when I do tell a woman that she is beautiful, I find it difficult to say it without insulting that very quality with something as vulgar and undeserving as words. Beauty is something I treasure and I feel that it is a tremendous honor to not only have beheld the sight of someone beautiful but to be able to call them a friend is something I would not trade for anything. So to all of my female friends out there: well, do I really need to say it? You all are precious to me ya know. Thank you for everything you all have brought me.

Yeah, they got me too. Who knows, maybe I’ll say something you find interesting.

I AM: not a saint, nor an angel, nor Jesus, nor a prophet. contrary to popular belief I am very much human, but thanks to those who think otherwise.

I THINK: therefore, I am.

I KNOW: what I want from life but for some reason I am denied it time after time.

I WANT: completion.

I HAVE: truly nothing but dust and air.

I WISH: I could go back in time.

I HATE: it when guys mistreat women. I fly into a rabid fury.

I MISS: childhood. Life was simpler then because my mind was devoid of understanding. I knew only that I liked cartoons, macaroni and cheese, and that I liked to play outside. I knew I didn’t like vegetables and that mean people were mean because they were not happy. nothing else really mattered.

I FEAR: I will never be loved in return.

I HEAR: Russian voices singing on the soundtrack to “K-19: Widowmaker.”

I SEARCH: for purpose.

I WONDER: why me?

I REGRET: telling two women that I loved them, and then giving a third a poem.

I LOVE: beauty. Music, nature, women, dance, art, light, dark, life, laughter, babies. . . all beautiful.

I CARE: more about others than myself and oftentimes my own cries go unheard by my own ears.

I ALWAYS: think. Always.

I AM NOT: perfect.

I DANCE: slow, swing, and a touch of renaissance.

I SING: bass II in choir, but nowadays I sing along with songs that I like.

I CRY: when the pain is more than I can bear. Not physical pain mind you, oh no, when my heart is in agony. Pain merely reminds me that I am awake and alive. When my heart is in severe anguish then do I cry. Sometimes instead of crying I play a song on the piano.

I DO NOT ALWAYS: do the rational thing, but always the right thing.

I FIGHT: my inner demons constantly. I guess temptation would be a better word.

I WRITE: what my heart tells me to.

I WIN: the respect and trust of those who know me, but little else other than that. However, respect and trust are dearer to me than anything else I have.

I LOSE: daily.

I CONFUSE: those who know me, those who don’t, and myself at times.

I LISTEN: to everything around me, especially the wind and any music that catches my ear.

I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: in my room with nothing to do.

I NEED: music to live.

I AM HAPPY ABOUT: my health and knowing God loves me.

I SHOULD: not have given Sabrey that poem.

Yesterday was incredible. I spent the entire day stepping closer to being fully knighted and when the moment came it was like waking up from an awesome dream only to realize that it was real! I am a full knight now, dubbed with a sword and everything. The one thing I’ve wanted for almost six years has finally come! Thank you all for anything you have done for me because it was the strength I receive from your friendship and patronage that allowed me to get this far. Have a wonderful weekend!