Well this weekend was simply unbelievable! I went on Search from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. It is like a church retreat only we stayed at a resortin the mountains of Colorado. I can’t even describe what I got from that; it was just way too incredible. So yeah, if any of you get a chance to do the same DO IT! You’ll never regret it! I also made a new friend named Sara. She’s sucha wonderful and beautiful young woman. She got married over Spring Break to a guy in Germany! How cool is that?!?! Me and her spent a lot of time together over Search; I was kind of her knight escort for the weekend. The sidewalks were really slick and so I walked her everywhere and I always made sure she got to where she needed to go. She was delightful company and it was great to actually devote my duties to a single person for a few days. I hope I have the opportunity to do it again! She thought it was awesome that I was a knight, especially since the name Sara comes from Sarah, which is the ancient Egyptian word for “princess.” So yeah, if ever you want a loyal escort ring me up. I work for food! Hehe. Yeah, what a life I lead. I’m glad she wasn’t weirded out by me or anything; some people I’ve met in my life think I am very odd because of the fact I try and follow a code of chivalry in my daily life and a few potential friends have been frightened away by it. I’ve even had one person tell me that my honor was too much and though this person was my best friend it still kinda hurt. I never thought honor could be too much unless it took presidence over doing what was moral and just. In this instance she was talking about bribing a competing group into losing so our school would win and I merely said, “What would be the honor in victory then?” Oh well. I survived. Well that was my weekend, I hope all of yours were equally wonderful and I also hope you all have a great week! Love you all!

Hey! I forgot to tell everybody that I am now a real knight! My life long dream come true. . . ah. . . Anyways I’ve lived as chivalrous a life as I possibly could for the past five or six years and I have to admit it was very hard but quite rewarding. Now I am a true knight and my duties have increased and I love it! I joined the Knights of Columbus on Tuesday. It is a Catholic organization that carries on the traditions of the traditional knight; the only real organization out there anywhere near what knights used to be. No I don’t get the title “sir” which is a bummer, and no I don’t get a horse or train for battle but I do get to further practice chivalry and strive to do honorable things which is what I’ve been doing for a while now. So yeah, just thought I’d let you all know that dreams do come true if you are patient enough and just keep striving towards them. And when they do come true it is friggin’ awesome. Love you all!

I apologized to Sabrey yesterday, telling her I didn’t mean to unnerve her with my poem, just to complement her. I had no other motive behind it other than that and from what I could tell she understood. I know she smiled but other than that she said, “Oh I see. That’s ok. Don’t worry about it.” Then I bid milady good day and left. Still I don’t know for sure how she took it because I am still so incredibly taken by her beauty that I cannot look her in the face; every time I speak with her I’m usually looking at the floor. . .. yeah. I’m a spineless geek.

Things have suddenly made a dreadful turn. There is a young man who is seen with Sabrey quite often, and I have a friend aquainted with him. Today she was approaching to find out if he and Sabrey were together and before my friend said a word he told her that he had to talk about me. Apparently Sabrey is uncomfortable with me. Something about my “tact.”

I should have known. I suppose if a total stranger wrote me a poem, regardless of how innocent, I might find myself uncomfortalbe as well.

Alas, truly has the poet’s place faded from this earth. Where I thought I alone remained it is instead true that I don’t exist. Next time Fate allows it I will approach her and apologize for my boldness and my rudeness and beg her forgiveness. Then I will most likely never speak with her again.

Another chapter in the ongoing mystery! Here is a copy of the poem I gave to Sabrey the past Monday that triggered this amazing act of Fate. She liked it a lot, let’s see what you all think:

Oh how the expanse of night did weep in awe of Thine beauty, for their tears now do cascade from Off thine regal head, framing a face so beauteous That only the silence of tongue and pen could give Thee adequate praise.

Hear thine musical laughter do my unworthy ears; a Song all unto its own, written not by the hand of any Mortal but woven into a soft audible blanket of Serenity by thine own lovely heart.

Dare I compare thine immortal resplendance to Anything of Man or Nature? Forgive me my bold Rudeness for doing so, but I could not bear to stand Witness to such heavenly prescence and offer Nothing but a blank piece of parchment.

Is not a pretty flower tended with particular care? Does not the gazer stare longer at a comet than a Star? So to does the poet admire great beauty with Quick but heart-felt strokes of his pen in hopes that Indeed this human thing called sight can in some way Last for all eternity.

There you have it folks. Let me hear what you think and any advice on proceeding from here would be great cause I am totally confused right now.. .

OK boys and girls I have a confession to make. . . I’ve actually found the most beautiful woman on campus. Every time I see her my heart stops so it can take the time to gaze unhindered of my chest. She has very long dark hair, a face parallel to none and sparkling eyes that would make the very stars cry in jealousy. She always wears a full length skirt and a blue Victorian-style coat and loves to smile. I just today realized what her name was but she has yet to tell me herself. When I tell you all how I know her name you are going to not believe me because it is quite incredible.

      I remember the first time I saw her: it was a windy October afternoon and the sky was cloudy. I was very lonely; I had only one friend at the time and that was my roommate. As I walked down the sidewalk beneath the trees she just appeared out of nowhere. It was the blue coat that caught my eye first, followed by the flowing skirt beneath it. That and her eyes. I swear they saw right through me. I was late to class because once I saw her I stopped in my tracks and just watched until she disappeared from sight. Ever since then I’ve thought about her from time to time and didn’t see her again until I returned to school for second semester.

Now I see her every day and it was just this Monday that I found myself sitting a few tables away and inspiration hit me like lightening. Being the poet that I am I wrote a lovely poem and then I sat there praying to God for the courage to deliver this work to her. She was sitting at a table with some friends and I did not wish to interrupt.

God answered.

As soon as I said “amen” she got up and walked over to a computer to check her email. I then grabbed my backpack and strode over. She turned towards me as I approached.

“Hey,” she said in the sweetest voice imaginable.

“Good afternoon. Um. . . I couldn’t help but be inspired so I wrote you something. I hope you enjoy it.”

I handed her the piece of paper and she said nothing. Then I nodded my head politely and turned to walk away.

“Have a good day milady,” I said.

“You too.”

That night I dreamt of her. I was sitting in the Union  with her and she told me her name was Sabrey.

When I woke up the next morning I KNEW that was her real name, I just knew it.

Well a few minutes ago I was sitting with her at a table because all other seats were full. I introduced myself but she already knew my name because I had signed the poem. She loved it! Soon we had a brief discussion about Spring Break and I told her I was taking the bus home. I then asked her of her plans and she said her parents were coming to get her. I asked from where and her answer stopped my heart in its gallop.

Iowa.

My mind was reeling in amazement! What coincidence! We then were quiet for a time and as she prepared to leave I caught a glimpse of one of the papers she was working on. Written in the blank labeled “Name” was one immaculate mass of phonetic symbols:

Sabrey.

Is this scary or what people? I don’t know what to do. . . . I feel like I’m living in a movie or something. .

So we went to Adventureland. It was a cool cloudy day and when we finally arrived William and I went straight to the Saloon where the magician performs. Once there at two o’clock William got out his brand-new cellphone and I called Maggie’s home. No one answered. So we went in and watched the show. Later at three I called again and got her mother. Maggie apparently was at a chiropractor appointment in Walcott and wouldn’t be back until five. I left William’s cellphone number and told her that it was extremely important that Maggie get a hold of me.

Five o’clock came and she didn’t call. I called her at six and got no answer. I called at seven, at eight, and gave up at nine when we had to go home.

I called again when I got home but again no answer. It hurt me to not be able to tell her goodbye, it really did. ‘Was it too much to ask?’ I remember thinking. All I wanted to do was say farewell and that I’d never forget her but no, the Fates would not allow it.

                    *************

The next afternoon I got a call from Josephine. Apparently she was leaving the next day and wanted to get together and hang out sometime later. So that night I met her at the end of the lane to my house and she picked me up in her truck.

We began talking, and I told her about the previous day and how it has been like that all summer. Then she asked a question I’ll never forget.

“Yeah, how come you weren’t at her going away party last night?”

Heart stops.

“Because I didn’t know about it.”

“Well that’s weird. Then did you know that Maggie and Thomas are going out again?”

I died.

The night continued on, just the two of us talking about whatever but the fact that she had decided to go lax on two of the three reasons wecould not be together weighed heavily upon my heart and continued to do so for an entire year. My heart had been nailed to my spine and every heartbeat sent pain throughout my body. I entered a severe depression few people knew about; mainly my few close friends.

I just couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t tell me that she had changed her mind. Didn’t she trust me any more? Were we not friends? Yet she refused to speak with me at all about anything. Such a dilemma it was. Now I had lost a friend who had hidden the truth from me and departed forever to Missouri. I was virtually alone in my pain; no one seemed to understand why I was so upset. No one until October, deep in a quiet forest. . .

I know I know. . . I promised to update tonight but I totally forgot I had church and tons of other things to do so I didn’t even get back to my room until 1:00 am. But I know that I’ll have an hour or so tonight so I will try and post a new blog then ok? Luv ya all!

I was just reading my comments from two entries ago and someone asked me about Jermaine. Who the heck is Jermaine? I’m sooo confused. . . well anyway any help answering that would be great. Otherwise stay tuned tonight for the continuing saga of my life!

Things were looking up about a month later. I was just regaining my strength enough to the point where I was ready to move on. Here is the last of the journal entries pertaining to the trouble I had with Maggie. What came after this entry was to terrible for me to write about.

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7/22/01       Sunday   9:57 pm

The madness has faded somewhat, as if it were tiring or perhaps it is retreating to muster its strength for another strike. No, that’s stupid. Not impossible however, because I notice all my life’s misfortunes come and go. It seems, though, that the time between the tides is narrowing and my troubles are piling on top of one another. Perhaps I’m overexaggerating, but it seems true enough.

     The summer is close to over, and I fear that this final year will be my hardest yet. Not academically, but this year I have no one to care for. In 9th and 10th grade, I had Josephine. She turned me down, and I was devastated. 11th grade, I had Maggie. She refused me as well, and I am still distraught beyond words.

    Will my wounds ever heal? Hers obviously have, if there were any to begin with. I hope so, but then again, I don’t. I wouldn’t want to be responsible for hurting her. Maybe Josephine is right, I worry too much.

                              Jake Boddicker

                                        10:08 pm

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Yes it was a golden time. I was actually getting over it. Sure I was still hurting but healing as well. One does not heal without pain. Everything was peachy.

Until August.

In August I invited my friend William to go to Adventureland with my family. Upon arriving at my house William asked me if I knew that Maggie was leaving for college in Missouri the morning of the next day. I didn’t, because she never returned any of my calls or letters. I hadn’t talked to her on the phone since June when I begged her to help me. At the time I had thought it was simply because she was too busy but little did I know that after the rising of the next moon I would discover the truth behind her silence.